Geïrriteerd

 Van de week kreeg ik een bericht onder een quote post van jaren geleden van iemand die beweerde dat een foto van haar was. Het zou kunnen, ik weet het niet, ik had geen watermerk verwijderd ook al beweerde diegene van wel (toen ik de foto inzoomde zag ik duidelijk een watermerk). 
De toon van het bericht was dreigend, grof en met een hoop gescheld. Kijk, ik maak van bestaande foto's quote plaatjes en ik probeer altijd foto's of plaatjes te gebruiken die royalty free zijn en dus gebruikt mogen worden, als dat onverhoopt niet zo is, dan zet ik zelf de naam van de maker op de foto, of er staat al een naam op die ik niet verwijder. Om dan meteen met gescheld en gedreig te gaan beginnen, dan ben je toch echt verkeerd bezig denk ik. 

Ik heb mijn eigen foto's ook op een fotosite gehad, of ooit edits gemaakt en het vervelende is dat mensen er soms met jouw edits vandoor gaan. Dus ik weet hoe dat voelt en dus zal ik nooit iets expres doen. Het kan voorkomen, en gewoon vragen en ik verwijder het, wat ik ook gedaan heb in dit geval. Maar waarom dan meteen een dreigende toon aanslaan? Ik snap zoiets dus niet, en dat van iemand uit Schotland of all places! 

In ieder geval, ik was/ben nog een beetje geïriteerd daarover en mensen die mij kennen weten dat ik dat niet doe, ik zoek lang of ik een maker kan vinden, of ander of een foto vrij te gebruiken is. Het is een soort van hobby en moet wel leuk blijven en geen gedoe opleveren lijkt me. 

© KH

Wednesday Wisdom; Overthinking

Overthinking ruins you. It ruins the situation. it twists things around. It makes you worry.
It just makes everything worse that it actually is.

Some people in our family have it, some don't or not anymore; the feeling of depression thing. Not a real depression but feeling that everything is going downhill for you, I call it a dip.
My dad had it, I have it and some people I'm not going to mention have it. You make everything that is going on in your life much worse in your head. You worry about everything and everyone and in your head it's all much worse than it really is. The kids, money, life in general. There have been periods in my life that life really was against me it felt. My dad's passing, my divorce, my dog's death ( I still can't believe she's already gone for almost a year now!) Everything hurts just more and it doesn't feel like you are being dealt the same cards as everyone else. Only you have these things in your life, everyone else is having a wonderful life and don't have the shit you have! Furthermore, you have no one to talk to about it! Everyone you know has loads of friends, go on holidays, have the time of their lives but you? You sit at home with no where to go but surf a bit on the internet. 

You start to think about what you did wrong in the past and that's what you absolutely shouldn't do! The past is the past, just let that be. You don't want to go there anymore! What's done is done. You can change now if you only want to. Perhaps you don't. If you like to wallow in your own sadness, sure, be my guest but you always have a choice to get out of it. You can change if you want to! You can look for another job, you can take a different choice today, if you choose to.

Most times I want to change myself, I'm in bed and think ; tomorrow I'm going to do everything differently. To wake up and do everything all over again. Of course now I'm older I am more happy in my own home, my life and the only thing I would like to change is my body and health. It is another topic all together and I won't go there now. It is also not a reason for me to be depressed about.
It's July and everyone is going away on holiday. We aren't, we don't have the financial means to go away. That sometimes is a reason to feel depressed about. The choices I have made in the past are cause for that in part. I can't change that. So I have to be grateful for what I can do now. For what I have now. Plus stop worrying about everything and everyone.

It will be okay, it always have and it always will.

© KH

Nieuwjaar en goed voornemens

Het is 2019 en we hebben de feestdagen weer overleefd. Alles kan weer normaal worden wat mij betreft. Al die belachelijk harde knallen van het illegale vuurwerk is ook gelukkig weer achter de rug. Ook al hebben we helaas geen hond meer, het is bijna niet meer te doen; de ramen trillen in de sponningen van het geknal en toen ik oliebollen stond te bakken op oudjaarsdag leek het wel oorlog buiten!
Maar goed, een nieuwjaar en voor veel mensen een nieuw begin. Ik neem mijzelf altijd voor om geen goede voornemens te hebben. De meeste mensen houden het toch niet vol. Je kunt elke dag beginnen aan een nieuw begin ten slotte. Toegegeven, het valt niet mee om een knoop door te hakken en voor jezelf een juiste beslissing te maken en vol te houden. Vooral niet als je zoals ik, veel te zwaar bent. Je hebt levenslang tenslotte. Je moet overal op letten, mag niets meer zowat.

Ik hoorde gisteren dat als je overgewicht hebt en je wilt er wel wat aan doen maar kunt het niet alleen dat een levenscoach in het basispakket zit tegenwoordig. Het probleem daarmee is dat je iets moet, je moet in een groep sporten zoveel keer per week, je moet ook zoveel keer per week gaan sporten. Het woordje moeten, daar zit het 'm in... Ik wil niks moeten. Natuurlijk wil ik meer gaan bewegen, maar ik wil niet moeten! Ik wil niet naar een sportschool tussen alle slanke dennen en gespierde lichamen met mijn volslanke lichaam en pijnlijke gewrichten. Plus dat het ook nog niet helpt, je moet er ook een psycholoog op zetten en dat wordt in veel gevallen vergeten. De keer dat ik ooit bij een dietist ben geweest werd het arme kind (net van school) bedolven onder mijn tranen en wist ze niet wat ze daar mee moest. Want het zit vaak ook gewoon tussen je oren, en als daar niets mee gedaan wordt, dan blijft het terugkomen. Dan kun je zo vaak per week gezamenlijk sporten als je wil, of je 'levenstijl' aanpakken, het lost het onderliggende probleem niet op. En na de periode van begeleiding ben je gewoon weer terug bij af.

Ik weet dat ik me beter voel als ik gezonder eet en vaker ga lopen, wandelen niet rennen (ik zou een rolberoerte krijgen als ik ging rennen) en meer oefeningen doe thuis. En daar was ik vorig jaar al mee begonnen. Maar ja, die feestdagen; de kast ligt vol met dingen van de feestdagen en kerstpakketen. Toch zonde om te laten liggen? Je mag toch geen eten weggooien! Ook weer zonde.... 😂

© KH

Tragedy

This morning while working my client and I heard the shocking news on the radio that a cargo bike with children on their way to school were caught by a train. Four children are dead, the caregiver who was driving the electric bike has lost her leg(s) and is in the hospital and two other children are seriously injured in hospital as well.
Two children in from one family are dead, one other child is in hospital.
Everyone in our town is in shock. There are often accidents with trains but not with children, or so many at once. It's such a tragedy.
You can imagine you say goodbye to your kids just this morning and all of a sudden they're gone! It's just horrible to think of that.

My son was supposed to take the train today to work but he had the late shift and I'm glad he didn't see it happen. I can't even imagine how traumatic it must be. Not only for the parents, but the traindriver, the people waiting on the train as well.

I am so very sorry for the loss of such young lives and I hope that the parents get every help that is available. I wish them all the strength.

© KH

Changing expectations

 “If you can’t change the circumstances, change your perspective.” ~Unknown

Sometimes it feels as if you are completely in control of your life, but when it comes to relationships there’s always the other person.

Especially when you're in a second relationship where you so want things to be different than in the first one. You feel in control but are you?
How often have you wanted a relationship to be something that it was not? 

Try being in a relationship where your partner has any form of autism. Their mood can change t anytime so sometimes you feel like walking on eggshells when really it shouldn't be like this at all. Or it wasn't what you imagined your second relationship to be. But to be honest; is it ever? We always make things more exciting in our heads, better. 

Sure the love is there but with someone with autism you have to do the extra steps necessary to make it really work. It's not that your loved one is able to understand the things you take for granted. They don't come natural to them, they have to be taught. You can teach them from a young age on but if they never learned those things it is even  more difficult.

Sometimes I find it hard when he is getting angry over nothing but recently I found out it is a reaction on my own reactions. If I am getting worked up over something he is getting even more worked up, if one of my sons are reacting angry, he will get even more angry or agitated. 

Action - reaction it seems. 

So how much can I expect of him? How high are/were my own expectations in the first place? Am I that perfect all the time? Is he taking me for who I am? 

Answers; my expectations are often too high; I'm not perfect; He is taking me as I am! 

To go further than that; he respects me, he wants to do everything for me and my boys, he does his part in household tasks, etc. So what is bothering me? The different social behavior? The reactions he can't control? I don't know, but what I do know is that he loves me, he doesn't take me for granted and  he wants to grow old with me... 

Isn't that what we all want in the end? 

So why what am I whining about... 

*tries to change expectations* 

© KH

Wednesday Wisdom; an eye for an eye

Yesterday on the news there was an item on death row in Arkansas Texas. Arkansas plans to execute eight inmates between Monday and April 27 because its supply of one of the three execution drugs, midazolam, expires on April 30 and the state says it does not have a supplier to replenish it.
They showed a woman who's mother was killed 25 years ago by one of the inmates in dead row. She told us that he simply had to die, he deserved no less than what he did to her mother.
Now I've never been through what she's been through of course, I've never had someone I loved murdered but after 25 years she really thinks killing that man will bring her peace of mind?
Wouldn't it be better to make him see what he did was wrong or make him work or give him some other kind of punishment? Not set him free mind you, but just another form of punishment or treatment if necessary.

Like Gandhi said; an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind and I really believe that. With all that's been going on in the world lately; Trump throwing bombs like it's candy, those war threaths... do we really believe it is best to hurt the other like they hurt us?

Let's simplify things; I've been bullied for years as a teen. Of course back then I really wished someone would hurt them like I've been hurt, emotionally especially. But now? I don't even think they know how much it has hurt me or that they saw it as bullying. Sure, it would be nice if they were aware of it, but would it matter? It is done, in the past and it has made me who I am today.
There's never an excuse for bullying but to do to them what they do to you is never an option.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

It would make the world a better place ...

© KH

Think happy thoughts

De laatste tijd lijkt er wel van alles mis te gaan; De achterdeur waar het slot van kapot gaat en vervangen moet worden, mijn eigen gezondheid met de meest gekke kleine klachten dan weer dit dan weer dat, het wasmachine die ineens vreselijke herrie begint te maken en naar nu blijkt de lagers kapot te zijn en dat terwijl hij nog geen 5 jaar oud is!

Mijn zus zegt altijd dat je met je gedachten dingen kunt aansturen; oftewel think happy thoughts. Bedank het Universum of waar je dan ook maar in gelooft voor de dingen die hebt/meemaakt etc en ben gewoon blij en vrolijk. Nu vond ik mezelf altijd een vrij blij en optimistisch mens, maar ik moet zeggen dat de laatste tijd het negatieve overheerst. Ook omdat het tegen je gezegd wordt misschien.
Ik vind mezelf vooral een realist. Maar ergens klopt er iets niet, ergens is er iets fout gegaan in mijn leven waardoor ik cynischer ben geworden, minder optimistisch, minder blij.

Ik heb een hoop vriendschappen verloren na/tijdens een zware periode in mijn leven. Laatst dacht ik nog aan een van die vriendschappen en ineens dacht ik ook dat natuurlijk een flink deel van het verliezen daarvan aan mij lag. Hoe ik reageerde op mensen en dingen en ook hoe ik om ging met mijn nieuwe situatie. Ik vond maar dat mensen dat moesten snappen en als ze dat niet deden reageerde ik er fel op. Sowieso reageer ik meteen fel op mensen. Er hoeft maar iets niet zo te gaan zoals ik het voor ogen had of BAM ik heb er al weer op gereageerd.
Waarom doe ik dat? Waarom heb ik mezelf in de verdedighoek laten drukken, of in de verweerhoek?
Waarom vind ik het nodig om constant overal commentaar op te moeten geven? Of waarom kan ik niet eens gewoon dingen op zijn beloop laten? Het laten gaan zoals het gaat.

Ik kan heel veel blogs schrijven, of me heel veel voornemen om te werken aan mezelf het gaat toch keer op keer weer mis. Er zit onrust in mij en ik weet niet waarom. Misschien weet ik het wel en wil ik het niet weten.

Mijn zus denkt dat de dingen die fout gaan kunnen komen door het negatieve denken. Denk je positief, dan komen er positieve dingen op je pad.
Er zijn de laatste jaren heel wat negatieve dingen op mijn pad gekomen, en heel wat ellende.
Een man die heel heftig reageert op al wat hem in de weg ligt, helpt ook niet, probeer daar maar eens een positieve draai aan te geven.
Ik kan me keer op keer voornemen te veranderen maar zodra de man in mijn leven een bui heeft (een hevige autistische bui dus) dan zijn al die voornemens in 1 klap weg.

Het zal een constant gevecht blijven wil ik meer positiviteit in mijn leven.
Alleen, is het dan nog positief als iets een gevecht is?

© KH

Resist

Never before after World War II has there been a country or a leader in the Western civilisation that made people feel like they are right now. Outrage, anger, dispair, disbelief, you name it.
President Trump has, within his first week,  made it all 'possible'. He has given each and everyone of us an uneasy and unsafe feeling. The world is changing, has changed. Espacially since the Muslim ban. When people couldn't even get off the planes and there was chaos and despair.
It all started with the Women's March the day after the Inaugeration. All over the world women (and men ) were protesting against his presidency. He didn't win, Hillary had 3 million more votes, so why on Earth is he now president! He is a narcissist, a white surpremacist, a fascist, need I go on?
All his actions from the last week speak for themselves.

Angela Merkel, the German prime minister (who now is the leader of the Free West to be honest) was the one who had to remind mr Trump of the Geneva convention. She had to call him and tell him.
Trump, having once said he didn't read, doesn't know about the Geneva Convention?
He has forbidden scientist to publish their findings, or to communicate on Social Media, which provoked  protests and rogue accounts.
He still wants to build his stupid wall to keep the Mexicans out and let Mexico pay for it (which they won't) He has whiped away women's rights in one sweep. Planned parenting, abortion, everything America has built through the years is being whiped clean even the websites of the Government.
Trump doesn't believe in Climate change, it's a hoax, so whipe away all data so it doesn't exits anymore.

There once was a country in 1938 where a leader stood up. People started to like him, what he said. he blamed minorities, Jews, gypsies... He didn't talk but screamed his words to get his point across.
He was elected and then the Second World War started.
Millions of Jews, Gypsies and homosexuals were killed.
Later some Germans said; 'Ich habe es nicht gewußt!' (I did not know)
But did they? Or did they just turn away, didn't they just want to know?

What we're seeing now in America is that people are resisting, are protesting, they don't want this, they don't want to be ruled by a demagogue and a tirant.
They don't want history to repeat itself only this time it's not Jews, it's Muslims.
Let's all resist, in every country. Don't let the Nazis win again. It doesn't matter where you live or if they call themselves 'alt-right' they are Nazis, plain and simple and we won't stand for it. We won't stay silent!

Resist!

© KH

USA elections 2016

The day is finally here; the USA Elections. Everyone has watched it with some sort of shame I guess. It was embarrissing to say the least. That pompous orange windbag screaming insults and making it a spectacle more than a serious election race. Of course there are things to say about Hillary Clinton as well but of the two she is the best choice for a president. She has experience, she has connections with several foreign contacts and well she's not a racist bigot who wants to put a wall around the country to keep foreigners out, or who is easily angered by a tweet and therefore not to be trusted with nuclear codes.

At Trump's rallies you saw his supportes getting riled up by Trump to the point where they would beat others who didn't agree with them, or threaten to kill Hillary Clinton.
Trump has said things in the spur of the moment that was pure hate, ignorance, racist, misogynistic, and so on...



It scares me, the whole thing just scares me shitless. If I wake up tomorrow, will that man be the next president of America? A man who can easily plunge us all into a WOIII mind you! He admires dictators, is friends with Putin and who says he will go away when it's time for new elections, if there's a country left that is, he has ruined every company he ever owened, bankrupted most of them, so he could do that to America as well, who is going to stop him?

Every follower he has is so eager to believe everything he says or to do everything he says. It really does remind us here in Europe of a man in 1938 who did the same. That is why we are so afraid of history repeating itself only this time around with one of the great nations with nukes and a man who has absolutely no selfcontrol whatsoever.

Let a woman try it, please let her try it. I am not a religious person but I almost would pray that the outcome would turn out good for every citizen in the world when I wake up tomorrow. That America will be smart and choose wisely. Please let them choose wisely, for all of our future.

© KH

Chattering mind

For the past few weeks I have started my day with a daily meditation. A guided meditation that is because if I try to meditate on my own my mind immediately starts to wander and think all kind of thoughts when I want it to be still. It never does; when I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom immediately my mind must think we are up and ready for a new day because the moment I start to walk to the bathroom the chatter begins. By the time I'm back in bed I have heard over ten songs in my head, thought I don't know how many thought about the next day or the last week or other things. The concequence of all that is that I can't fall back to sleep and often am staring at the ceiling in the hope the sleep will return.

A few weeks ago I was trying to meditate and the chatter started again. I was fed up with it and told my mind; STOP! My mind's response; Hammer time!

I like having an associative mind but that was going too far! The meditation didn't work (I shouldn't have said stop of course but let the thoughts pass me by like clouds in the sky) at that point and I have to be careful not to repeat it like that again.

But how do I get rid of the chatter in my mind?
There are a lot of different sites which want to help me with that so I have done some research and here are some tips;

1. See your brain as an innocent child; It does where it is good at; creating thoughts. You have to learn to accept yourself as you are with your thought-filled mind. Yes, you might not fall asleep right away now, but don't worry. Feed your mind with positive thoughts, that make you happy.

2. Try to see yourself as a clear blue sky. You are the sky and your thoughts are the clouds. Sometimes there are no clouds but there are times there are so many there is  a thunderstorm.
The sky is much bigger than the clouds. The clouds are drifting around in the the sky but they aren't the sky itself, just as you are not your thoughts.
How thick the clouds may be, above it is always the blue sky. When your head is filled with clouds (thoughts) go find a quiet place and try to observe the clouds. As if you're lying on the grass and watching the clouds drifting on by above you. Without judging them, just watch them, just let them be. You are not your thoughts, your thoughts are not who you are.

3. Meditate regulary.
Even when you feel that it's no use, that your thoughts are in the way of becoming quiet, when you meditate every day you will start to feel the effect eventually. Just sit or lie down and close your eyes and focus your attention on your breathing. When you notice your focus is diverted away from your breathing, gently turn back to it without judging yourself for it.

4. Don't fall for your own thoughts.
What you think is not true most times anyway, which is very important because most people believe what they think.
- 'I can't do that and I never will'
- 'I will fail so I won't even try'
- 'I'm unattractive, fat, ugly and I hate myself'
- 'See? he doesn't want me, nobody loves me'
- 'I'm lazy and worthless and I'm not contributing anything to this world anyway'

Those kind of thoughts are rubbish and merely genereted by your brain out of fear, insecurities and thought patterns of old. Not out of self love, compassion, or happiness. All fine if you don't let it compromise your selfworth.


5. Perhaps sometimes it is best to go with the flow instead of trying to change things. You can learn to train your brain but if the chatter stays than maybe other things work for you;

- Write a journal/blog (I find that very helpfull so perhaps I need to do that more) Write down what you're worried about, or how your day's been. By putting things in writing you bring structure to your brain. If you write everyday, it won't get so 'full' up there anyway.
- put down a piece of paper next to your bed. Whenever thoughts come into your mind, you can write them down immediately. Todo's or idea's whatever comes to mind.
- Plan in the evening what you want to do the next day.
- Give yourself less choices; minimalism helps to worry less.

I'm not sure if I will use everything from those tips but I'm sure going to try a few.
In the meantime I will continue meditating because I'm sure that will help quiting the mind.

© KH

Source 

Blog 1100; Still searching but also still standing

I started this blog in 2011 after being on several other blogsites. I didn't like to leave the others, it also meant I had to leave my stories and other things, but it wasn't always my own choice. Looking back Blogger would have been the better blog but when you start to look back you sometimes wish you did a lot of things different.
I started out in Dutch but since I have a lot of online friends from all over the world who like to read my blog from time to time I started to write in English. Sometimes I even can express myself better in English anyway.

They one thing over the years that has staid or better has come back is that I want to improve myself; be a better version of myself but more my search for Inner Peace.
Reading back some blogs I've written I keep on struggling with that; with myself and with finding that Inner Peace.

A few days ago I found out that my external hard drive was broken and couldn't be fixed. All my pictures, photos, edits and some stories are on there. The man in the store said I should always have two places to store things on to be safe. Two? Why? I thought it would be safe, they told me so.
I was sad, felt anxious and hurt all at the same time.
I don't think I have had an easy life, it could be worse but still it hasn't (still isn't ) been easy. Often times I feel like I am struggling through things alone. Like I'm fighting alone.
Inner Peace would be very welcome so that I always have something to fall back on.
Even though it hasn't been easy I think I have been strong all the way, sometimes maybe too strong.
But there is no one to catch me if I fall, no strong arms to hold me if I break down, so I have to be strong.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, that you meet the peope you are supposed to meet to help you or that you learn from them even if they hurt you. You grow from that. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have an easy life, far from it. But you grow from it if you do it right.
I'm not so sure sometimes if I'm doing it right. If I read back to see I am struggling to find Inner Peace for years; am I doing it right? I get distracted from my path, or more that I let myself be distracted from my path, which is something I don't like very much. I also know exactly what's the cause of that; my partner with autism who is diverting me away from the path to Inner Peace.
He can't help it I'm sure but the fact remains is that I let it happen. I let myself be distracted from it. I could have been there ages ago if I wanted. I have to work even harder to get there. But at the same time I think ; go with the flow, let it be...

After all this time I'm still doing what I'm always doing; relying on myself, trying to find Inner Peace and working hard to keep my head above water. There's got to be more than that; head above water is a little too disturbing, it has to be more easy than that.
I'm still here, I'm still standing and I will get there one day. That Inner Peace will come, someday.

© KH

Think before you...

After almost two weeks without Social Media I am thinking about returning to it slowly only not in the way I did before.
Yesterday I almost fell into the trap again. While watching something on the news that I thought was really ridiculous I wanted to tweet about it. I remembered I had restricted myself from Social Media and couldn't tweet about anything. Maybe that's the trick I thought; Before you tweet anything stop yourself first as if you aren't able to be on any of those social media sites. If later on you still think it is a wise thing to say anything about a subject you still can. But most people (myself included) talk first and think later.
Maybe if peope thought about things first then we wouldn't have the 'Zwarte Pieten' (Black Pete') discussion already in April while it is something that is happening in December.

The reason I wanted to react on Twitter yesterday was related to that by the way. One of the amusement parks in the Netherlands where I am going to for just about whole my life from when I was a kid was being attacked by the same group as those who were against the Black Pete thing. Some people just go too far I think and don't have anything else to do with their lives. Thinking everything amusing is suddenly racist.

Just a fun thing in an amusment park and all of a sudden it's rascism... As long as I can remember people were having fun in the biggest park of the Netherlands singing along to the songs belonging to the different rides. No one ever complained; until now. Must be the weather....

Anyway, it made me think or rethink my part on social media; I always post before I think, write before I think, or even speak before I think. That is why I get in trouble in the first place. I am honest to people I say what I think but not everyone appreciates that. It can also hurt people of course. Sure you can be honest but do people want you to be? I'm not so sure about that anymore.

So I've come to the conclusion that it's okay to be on Social Media, only with moderation.
After all; I have met most of my friends online and what would I do without them!?

© KH

Holding onto pain

Everyone has a different past but somehow I think that most people, how different their past is, can relate to what I'm about to describe.
From my personal experience I have found that no matter how many times you've been happy in the past, or no matter how many positive things have happened you tend to remember the negative things more. Why do we do that? Most certainly the good things that have happened in our lives are worth it to be remembered too. They most times outweigh the negative things but still we experience the bad, the negative things in such a way that they are remembered better. Loss, friends who leave us, relationships break-ups, divorce, you name it or it has happened to me, and I'll bet it has happened to you as well. But the fun times, the happy times, the great hollidays, the laughter, the hugging, love, what is it that we release these memories and have sleepless nights over the negative ones? It's the worst thing we can do for our peace of mind!
It causes more harm than good and why? For me it even causes overthinking things.

Three ways that holding onto the pain are causing more pain;

1. You blame yourself. 

I did this after I got a divorce. It's a classic. You blame yourself. No matter what you're worrying about; the 'could've, should've, would've'. When that comes in the picture you know you're in trouble anyway. You know you're too late to do anything about it so stop doing it! Easier said than done I know! Deep down you know that everything will be alright one day, someday somehow. If you only give yourself time to heal. Not dwell on bygones.

2. You think you can change it. 

Hello, McFly! It's the past! Unless you have invented a timemachine or can borrow the one from 'Back to the Future' you can't go back to the past. What's done is done.
My life's motto is; Everything happens for a reason. I firmly believe in that. We may not ever know what the reason is but that there is a reason for it I am sure of.

3. You don't allow yourself to grow from it. 

Everything that happens to you, happens for a reason I said that already. You learn from it, you grow from it. You get wiser so to speak. So if you constantly carry your hurt around with you and keep dwelling on it you don't grow, it is holding you back from growth, from moving on. Maybe you don't want to move on, or don't want change. I am the first one to admit I don't like change much either. But without change no growth. Without change there would be no butterflies.
You have to let go of your past so that your past can turn into a fond memory, one that you can remember one day and think; I did good, I had made the right choices in life.

© KH

Being Social on Social Media

There used to be a time or at least that is my perception of it; that our country (the Netherlands) was a tolerant country. We were known for our tolerance world wide even. Nowadays with the refugee crisis and social media you really think we've all been the total opposite and not only we Dutch, the whole world is behaving like madmen especially on Social Media! Why is it that when it comes to 'being social' people are the most unsocial they can get?

I am using Facebook and Twitter and of course my blog. I have found online friends via Twitter and other social media that I would never have found elsewhere. I can really say it's my social boost of each day. Every day I talk to my friends on Twitter from all over the world. I have even met some of them in real life and they have become the best of friends. Even my hub I met online through a forum. Nothing wrong with that.
But I have seen a lot of comments from people who think they just are allowed to say just about anything just because they don't tweet/post under their own name.
Shouldn't there be some sort of Social Media etiquette on how to behave? I think you should have proper manners just as in real life where you don't go and call every one names as well but perhaps that's just me.

The same applies for what you put on your Social Media accounts like Facebook or Twitter under your real name. What if you post your silly holiday pictures drunk as a skunk and apply for that dream job a year later? What do you think your boss is going to do before hiring your? Right, he is going to Facebook and Google you! What does he see? The drunk pictures. Goodbye dream job!
Yesterday there was an item on the news here about a mum in England who was angry about her 12 year old son who had bullied a girl at school. She had put her anger about it on Facebook tagging her son for the world to see and doesn't think there is anything wrong with it. But what if he is older and wants that dream job and his future boss Facebooks him? Thank you mum for not handling it yourself but thinking the world had to see all that!

Social Media is meant to be social, or as the Dictionary says it; Social - Relating to or designed for activities in which people meet each other for pleasure.
Pleasure people! Not knocking eachother about verbally!
Some actors or singers have even suspended their accounts because of the harasments.
I hate bullying; this is just grown ups bullying on Social media just because they are anonymous.

Let's all make this world a bit better starting with ourselves. If you don't have anything nice to say; don't say anything at all.

© KH

Changing your mindset

In rough times you tend to overthink things, or at least I do that. Which is not healthy for mind and body. You are constantly thinking about what is going wrong in your life, what could go better or worse compare your life with others. 

But is it helpful, does that change your situation? If it cannot be changed why worry over it. Change it or stop the negative thinking, in short let go of the negative feelings and thinking. I'm sure it's much easier said than done. We often are our worst enemies. We have a problem and in our mind we make it much worse than it acctually is. A problem is only a problem if you make it so, when you think it is. Most times it is a lesson to be learned.
By wanting to change things you most times need to change yourself first. When we make changes in ourselves, our circumstances change too. 

Everything happens for a reason; I am a firm believer of that. Plus nothing will go away before you have learned from it. You can ignore it but it will keep coming back until you have learned.
If you don't get what you wanted most times it means it wasn't meant for you and that something else is. That probably something better was on it's way for you. 

We have to be grateful and be in the present moment. Enjoy the present, don't live in the past or the future. You can enjoy the little things in life and be grateful for them.
How hard you find your life; try to experience joy in your life as well. Try to have a good time once in a while. Enjoy yourself. 

Don't compare yourself to others; Yes there are people who have it better but there are also millions of people who have it worse than yourself!
You are not a victim, only of your own thoughts and actions. Know that you can overcome your difficulties. Start by changing your thoughts. By changing your mindset you can begin a change in your whole life. Nothing lasts forever, so 'this too shall pass' is not only a saying. It will pass. Trust in that! Believe you can overcome it and work on it. 

© KH

Adult women with ADHD

When I was about 20 and already living on my own my dad once told me I had MBD after all. It was said like I should have already known that as a fact. I didn't of course. I didn't even know the terminology. My dad explained that when I was 7 there was an article in the newspaper about MBD and that things fell into place for him. He asked the doctor about it; 'Is it possible my daughter could have this?' The doctor answered 'yes it is' and that was that.

MBD stood for Minimal Brain Damage but later they changed that to Disfunction as damage was too severe. MBD is now ADHD.
I was never tested on it but on every rapport card there is a remark like;  She likes watching the birds more than pay attention or something simular. (I still do by the way; like watching birds)
My attention slipped many times, I am loud, at times very insecure,  I do think I have ADHD.

My whole life I've been told not to talk so loudly, not to laugh so hard, not to talk before it's my turn, to sit still, not to... etc.
It's not making you very happy when even at 48 you suddenly hear your family say to you to not talk so loud. I have no idea myself I do that at the time I am doing it but it is also very degrading to hear my loved ones say that to this day.

I have accepted myself for who I am; I'm still working on things but for the most part I've accepted myself.
It does hurt that you can't be yourself, that you have to mind every step you take or everything you say. Or even write because I'm sure that there will be a lot of comment (privately) on this blog. I have chosen to write it anyway; for myself but also for other women with ADHD who are having the same problem; not being able to be yourself even though you're an adult and around family is very hard and is something they need to accept. They are the ones who need to accept you for who you are, that you can't always help being loud, or notice being loud. It doesn't help that they feel the need to put you 'in your place'. They may not see it that way, it certainly feels that way!

Maybe this will help;

Decades of failing to recognize ADHD in girls has created a “lost generation” of women

© KH

Thou shalt not kill

After the terrorist attacks on Paris last Friday everyone is talking about it. What to do, how to react, can we still go out and do the things we love like going to concerts and games? Last night the football match Germany-the Netherlands was cancelled because of a threat. Is it still safe? Most people even the ones who have lost loved ones are saying they are not letting IS terrorise them further, they will not respond in hate.

Those terrorist say they do this out of God's name. God has made mankind in his image, if you believe this kind of thing. There would never be any kind of God who would allow his image to be shot to pieces simply because some choose to interpret what is written in some book ages ago, in an other way as other people.
Whether you read the Bible, Koran or Torah, in all of them it says;
Thou shalt not kill.
So how can they justify these killings for themselves? How can they live with themselves? How is it that in their minds the 'thou shalt not kill' has turned into 'thou can kill the ones that have another believe?' God or Allah or Jaweh or whatever you would call your god, would sit there on his cloud shaking his head saying he had not meant it like this.

The Pope has asked everyone to pray for the victems and their families. You see a lot 'Pray for Paris' signs. Of course everyone's thoughts are with Paris, or with Lebanon for that matter where IS have killed a lot of people as well the day before the Paris killings. But is it going to stop the terrorism? Is the bombing on Syria going to stop it? Is an eye for an eye stopping it?
What I'm afraid of is that the Muslims already living here are going to get the blame while they're not the ones to blame! That the refugees are being blamed while they were fleeing from IS for this very reason!
I'm hoping that the people will unite against terrorism and against hate. That finally we will show them they can hurt us but they cannot break us.
The Dalai Lama put it this way; 'So let us work for peace within our families and society, and not expect help from God, Buddha or the governments," he said.
Well put. Let's try to not give in to hate and focus only on peace. We are one people. One world.

Or as this man put it on the death of his wife;



© KH

The end of comfort zones is overrated.... or is it?

We are the author of our own lives or at least we could be. Sometimes life just happens beyond our control. The happily ever after you were seeking was just right there at your grasp. If only you dared to take it, take the risk, take that control or if only that person wouldn't have taken over. Blaming someone else for your own mistakes is ever so easy to do. We are letting that person take over or do we?

But is that the real truth or what we believe ourselves to be the truth?
Do we fool ourselves every day by looking in the wrong mirror? The one with the false image of what life really is. Are we deluding ourselves time and again? Or give ourselves false hope? Do we wish upon that star for Prince Charming only to get the wicked witch in the end? If we look in that mirror what do we see? Hope? True love? Or delusion and despair?

What if we were to write our own stories without interference from anyone else, from the outside world, from that picture of how we are supposed to be or better yet; from the fears created by our own minds; how would that story then turn out to be? Would we blossom, would we risk everything for that one dream; or would we still live our everyday life, go with the flow of every day, day in day out, week in week out.

Would we dare to stand out in a crowd, be different, choose different? If we could do it all over again, would we live our lives the same? Or better yet; what if money wasn't an option, what if we could be whatever, whenever; would we? Do we have it in us to be something or someone else, do something completely different than what we are doing right now? In short; would we dare to be who we want to be? It's really all about stepping out of our comfort zone. It's easy to tell people life starts where your comfort zone ends but it's not that easy to do, is it?

We are told not to step out, not to be different, to mind the neighbours even, walk in a straight line like everyone else. It's how a lot of us has been raised. How difficult is it to change that! How hard is it to change into our true self! Money aside (which is even harder because everything needs money these days) if we want to become someone closer to our true self; someone who wants to explore the world, help others, help ourselves along the way, we will have to leave a lifetime behind. Leave our past life and/or people. Are we willing to do just that?

The end of comfort zones is sometimes overrated.
Sometimes staying inside ones comfort zone can be very... well comforting. And maybe just maybe one day that day will come where we will find that courage to dip that toe outside our comfort zone and feel how it is on the outside. Taking babysteps. Not everyone is brave enough to plunge ahead and wade through immediately.

One day...

© KH

Head explosion

It's happening again; my head is working overtime. It's on the verge of exloding so it seems. Even in the middle of the night, when I wake up to go to the bathroom, it is never quiet. Even then I am thinking all kind of things at the same time. I want to scream at my brain to stop doing that, to be quiet for once. I notice that I'm rambling at clients too, I am louder than I am supposed to be. Even when I want to try to meditate my mind isn't giving me a break, nope, it's going on and on and on... there is no stillness.

I was in a good place, doing what felt right to my body, eating more healthy feeling better and when I let it go a little I suddenly started feeling anxious again. When I looked for a quote just now and found the one above I thought; that's it! My mind is bullying my body again. It is used to eating all this crap and when I started doing what is best for me and let that go a little bit it started to act up again. I keep getting aches and pains again and my mind, my bloody mind isn't keeping quiet!
I have stopped listening to myself again. Crap, it's so simple sometimes and I did need this blog to start writing it down again, to come to this conclusion! How the mind works...

I need to let go of the old me again. I need to keep working on it, to better myself. I was on the right path, but things, every day life, keeps yanking me of my path. I shouldn't let it, but it happens. I need to stay on my path no matter what! I have chosen this path because it is the right thing to do. I haven't even given myself time to sit and relish in the wonderful things this season is giving me. I adore Autumn and every Autumn I say to myself; I need to enoy the turning of the leaves this time, I need to walk in the woods and soak it up. But it never happens! I watch it from my window which is the saddest thing ever.

So as soon as I have posted this blog, I am going outside and kick in the autumn leaves, enjoy nature. Find myself again. Calming my mind. And hopefully it will be silenced. Before my head will explode.

© KH

Fog

The train brings me
Through foggy fields
This morning
It reflects my mood

Autumn is coming
Not for you
You decided to
Clear your fogginess

As much as it was
A shock, I can say
I do know the feeling
You must have had

You felt you had no
Other way out
Than the way out
And all we are left with

Is fog

© KH

I wrote this poem in the train on the morning I heard the news about the suicide of the Dutch novelist Joost Zwagerman.