Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Head explosion

It's happening again; my head is working overtime. It's on the verge of exloding so it seems. Even in the middle of the night, when I wake up to go to the bathroom, it is never quiet. Even then I am thinking all kind of things at the same time. I want to scream at my brain to stop doing that, to be quiet for once. I notice that I'm rambling at clients too, I am louder than I am supposed to be. Even when I want to try to meditate my mind isn't giving me a break, nope, it's going on and on and on... there is no stillness.

I was in a good place, doing what felt right to my body, eating more healthy feeling better and when I let it go a little I suddenly started feeling anxious again. When I looked for a quote just now and found the one above I thought; that's it! My mind is bullying my body again. It is used to eating all this crap and when I started doing what is best for me and let that go a little bit it started to act up again. I keep getting aches and pains again and my mind, my bloody mind isn't keeping quiet!
I have stopped listening to myself again. Crap, it's so simple sometimes and I did need this blog to start writing it down again, to come to this conclusion! How the mind works...

I need to let go of the old me again. I need to keep working on it, to better myself. I was on the right path, but things, every day life, keeps yanking me of my path. I shouldn't let it, but it happens. I need to stay on my path no matter what! I have chosen this path because it is the right thing to do. I haven't even given myself time to sit and relish in the wonderful things this season is giving me. I adore Autumn and every Autumn I say to myself; I need to enoy the turning of the leaves this time, I need to walk in the woods and soak it up. But it never happens! I watch it from my window which is the saddest thing ever.

So as soon as I have posted this blog, I am going outside and kick in the autumn leaves, enjoy nature. Find myself again. Calming my mind. And hopefully it will be silenced. Before my head will explode.

© KH

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

All I could think of was: RECOGNITION. Mine is never quiet. Ever! Very tiring, I can assure you. Somebody sent me this, a while ago:
It's funny, but it does make you think (oh yes, even more noise in your head haha). But this thinking stuff could work. You could learn to ignore it most of the time although not all of the time.
On top of the busy brain I developed Tinnitus so it's never quiet anymore. Meditation is not easy, as is quiet contemplation. There is always a jammer or something that jams present. It's absolutely crap indeed...

Also, live a stricter live is hard to learn but once you do it for more than a year it may become second nature to you. I am trying that as well. Keep it up. You will win from the voice that wants to seduce you. It's not easy but I know you can do it. HUG! Lydia