Corona, u een zorg

It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver. -Mahatma Gandhi 

Gisteren heeft onze premier Rutte weer een persconferentie gegeven naar aanleiding van de Coronacrisis. De maatregelen die het kabinet genomen had zijn verlengd tot en met 28 april maar men gaat er van uit dat het wel langer zal gaan worden. We zijn er nog lang niet. Scholen en kantoren blijven dicht, evenals alle horeca. Mensen moeten 1,5 meter van elkaar af blijven en niet bij elkaar op bezoek gaan. (social distancing) Vele ouders werken vanuit thuis en geven hun kinderen les met behulp van de leerkrachten. Men blijft dus zoveel mogelijk thuis. Zeker als je verkouden bent, neusverkouden, of hoest en koorts hebt.
Dit alles om de kwetsbaren en ouderen te beschermen.

Iedereen behalve de zorg. En aangezien ik ook in de zorg werk, is het ook een zorg voor mij. Aan de ene kant is het wel lekker om iedere dag aan het werk te zijn, met de nodige extra maatregelen. Maar aan de andere kant; wij in de zorg lopen wel elke dag een groter risico om het virus op te lopen.

Ik ben bijvoorbeeld al een aantal weken neusverkouden, maar wij moeten daarmee gewoon blijven werken. Doen we in een normale situatie ook natuurlijk maar dit zijn geen normale situaties. Wij werken bij de kwetsbaren en ouderen. Aan de ene kant is het fijn om naar  hen toe te gaan, ze zijn al zoveel alleen, maar aan de andere kant, ik wil hen niet ziek maken! 

Dus volgens de richtlijnen was ik als ik van huis wegga mijn handen, bij de cliënt was ik weer mijn handen en trek mijn werkhandschoenen aan. Bij elke handeling blijf ik ze aanhouden, wat ik voorheen niet deed, ik hou 1,5 meter afstand van de cliënt en dat valt nog niet mee! Veel cliënten houden ervan om je achterna te lopen, of nét even daar te moeten zijn waar jij bent. Sommige snappen het (niet) meer en moet je blijven uitleggen dat ze afstand moeten houden. Dat ze zelf heel de tijd binnen blijven maakt niet uit. Ik kom overal dus de afstand moet er zijn. Dan als ik ga was ik weer mijn handen. Overal maak ik extra goed de deurklinken en lichtknoppen schoon, wat ik altijd al deed maar nu nog extra op let. Ik raakte al nooit liftknoppen aan en doe dat nu ook niet, als ik met de trap ga, open ik de deur naar het trappenhuis met mijn mouw. En bij de cliënt is het de bel indrukken met mijn fietssleutel of handschoen of mouw. 

Daarna begint het riddeltje van handen wassen weer opnieuw.

Na een dag werken of op de woensdag (vrije dag) en het weekend ben ik altijd blij dat ik weer thuis ben. Het voelt veilig op een of andere manier. Dat deed het altijd al, maar nu nog meer. Veel mensen klagen, je hoort het op de radio of leest het op sociale media. Ze klagen over het thuiszitten, of dat ze zich vervelen, of het ergste wat ik gelezen heb; dat ze niet op vakantie kunnen.
In ziekenhuizen over het hele land liggen mensen (op hun buik aan de beademing) te vechten voor hun leven. Wij blijven thuis om dat virus te stoppen, niet zomaar. 

Natuurlijk is het erg dat er mensen hun baan kwijt raken, winkels dicht moeten en ook na deze crisis zijn we er nog lang niet! Dan komt er een financiële klap die we hopelijk ook weer snel te boven komen. Maar voor nu is het enige wat we kunnen doen; thuisblijven in je eigen veilige huis. 

Terwijl de zorg vooral in de ziekenhuizen, zich de blubber werkt!
Nu roept iedereen wat een helden de mensen in de zorg zijn. Na jaren het vergeten kindje te zijn geweest. En straks als alles voorbij is, krijgt de zorg een schouderklopje, een bedankje en that's it. 

Let maar op.... Wij hoeven geen applaus, het is ons werk, maar loon naar werken, dát zou nog eens fijn zijn! Zeker in deze tijd! Want je ziet, dat de zorg altijd doorgaat. Ook in slechte tijden. 

© KH

Luisteren naar mezelf

De laatste tijd krijg ik allerlei pijnen en pijntjes, krijg ik van het ene op het andere moment een dikke lip bijvoorbeeld zoals vandaag die vervolgens van de boven- naar de onderlip zakt wat gek is, ben ik al 3x verkouden geweest in de hele winter terwijl ik normaal in nog geen 2 jaar verkouden word enz enz.... Je gaat je afvragen waar het aan ligt.
Ik lach altijd om mijn huisarts die meteen stress de schuld geeft maar misschien heeft hij daar nog een punt ook. Stress is nummer 1 als mensen klachten krijgen.
Ik moet toch eens meer los leren laten wat dan weer makkelijker gezegd dan gedaan is zeker nu er van alles gebeurd op mijn werk.
Ik voel gewoon dat ik verkeerd bezig ben, lichamelijk voel ik  me niet goed, in mijn hoofd is het al tijden té vol, ik vergeet van alles, erger me aan iedereen, en kan de rust in mijn kop niet vinden als ik het probeer.
Probeert het Universum me iets te vertellen?

Vergeetachtigheid, te laat komen, kleine ongelukjes, rommelige omgeving, dingen laten vallen of breken, ziek worden, nergens over na willen denken (struisvogelpolitiek noem ik dat dan), angstig zijn of stress hebben, moeite hebben om projecten af te maken, verveling.
Dat zijn allemaal subtiele tekenen die het Universum kan sturen om je in een andere richting te sturen.
Je merkt zelf dat er iets niet goed is, je je niet goed voelt, iets niet goed gaat, en die subtiele hints zijn dan nét dat duwtje in de richting om je leven een andere kant op te sturen.

Dus tijd om naar het Universum te luisteren, naar mijn lijf te luisteren en naar mijn intuïtie te luisteren. Voor de tigste keer... maar ik merk dat ik/mijn lijf het beter doe op 'gezond eten en weinig tot geen vlees'. Dan voel ik me beter, kan ik meer, heb ik meer energie. Dus hup weg alle ongezonde troep met toevoegingen en suikers en zooi en meer bewegen, meer groenten en fruit en mediteren.
En vooral luisteren naar mezelf!

Zen!


© KH

Taking time for yourself

Yesterday I was visiting a friend I hadn't seen in a while. We had a wonderful afternoon together and talked about what happened in our lives. At one point I told her that I found myself to be somewhat of a titmouse and I felt I hadn't been very social lately. She felt that you sometimes needed time for yourself to work out the things that were going on in your own life, that you couldn't be there for someone if you had too much on your own mind.

She's right of course but still I always feel guilty whenever I haven't spoken to people who I think I should have contacted. That's probably the first step; Stop feeling guilty for taking time for yourself.
Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. Or as my friend told me; 'You can't handle someone else's problems if you still have your own to deal with'. You just can't be there for someone so you have to take care of yourself first.

The most difficult thing there is in working on yourself is 'learning to love yourself'. Of course everyone will say that they do love themselves but try saying it in front of a mirror to yourself that you love yourself. That you love what you do, who you are, or worse, how you look like. It is damn hard, but it all starts with self acceptance. A stress free life starts with self love. I am nowehere near that I know but I'm working hard on it. 

Try writing down the things your proud of or what you like about yourself. 

I think I'm not a bad mum-no rephrase that; I'm a great mum! I do a hell of a job in not so great circumstances. I'm also a caring person (wanting to follow that with a 'but' but I won't) 

Don’t punish yourself for wanting and needing the quiet moments. You’re human and taking care of yourself is as important as that next pay cheque or keeping in touch with all your friends in real life and/or social media. You are not selfish, you deserve it.

© KH

For the love of Rainy Days

 

Today is July 1th and June came and went wetter than ever. Where ever you go, in stores or at the home for the elderly, even on tv people are complaining about the rain, the weather.
Now we Dutch are known for knowing how to complain. We complain about almost everything but the weather is our favourite subject of all time. Even the weatherman was complaining last night having to tell us it is indeed going to rain again. 

I have always been fond of rainy days. I can't remember me being any other way. I love stormy clouds rushing through the sky as if they are chasing each other. The darker the cloud the more beautiful I think it is. The sound of rain when you are still in bed, or when you wake up in the middle of the night, is so sweet. The smell of the the first rain touching the ground is delicious to me. 

My garden is blooming perfectly with all the downpour of late. 

Rain is one of the greatest gifts Mother Nature gives us.
Rain is full of negative Ions. Ions are electrical charged particals in the air and they're all around us, positive and negative ones. Too much positive Ions is generally bad. Certain things create negative ions. Water smashing apart is the best example. That's why a waterfall always feels so 'invigorating' when you stand by it, because of the high negative ion count in the air. Ditto why so many people have great ideas in the shower.
So rain is full of negative Ions and both body and brain love it. 

But it's also 'White noise'.
The term "white noise" basically means what's generally called "static", like in between stations on a radio dial. It's also the sound rain makes hitting the ground. 

So I'm not so crazy after all, liking rain so much. It's good for you! 

© KH

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Menopausal crankiness

I would have never believed it to be true or would dismiss it; I'm not cranky and what if I were? It's not because I'm in menopause (started when I was 39 so for almost 10 years now so what's the big deal?) hell no, I'm doing just fine thank you.
But (as my mum sometimes 'subtly' puts it) I seem to have a history with being down at times. I take things very personally too, can't help it, I have a low selfesteem ever since I was a teen and being bullied for years. (working on that) So when I had a 'thing' at work with coworkers I made it bigger than it was in my head. So big in fact that my health was at risk. My epilepsy was acting up big time which is not a good thing when I'm working at an elderly's home. Thankfully they are only smaller seizures but still very annoying. My mind was working overtime thinking and overthinking why it was that they didn't like me or what I had done wrong. (which was nothing, all in the head)

Yesterday we had a team meeting and when my foreperson started a discussion about the subject everyone was very surprised at what I was thinking. I had made things so much bigger and worse than they were. Nothing was going on, only in my head it was. From a small thing with one coworker I had made it into 'nobody likes me'... (it's a bit more complicated than that but I'm not going into more details here) It didn't make any sense to me until one coworker said she had experienced the exact same thing a few years back (meanwhile she was waving a piece of paper in front of her for cool air so we were in the same boat so to speak)
She felt down all the time, forgot everything, kept overthinking things and she said; 'It's the damn menopause'.
I never wanted to believe that or I really never had thought about it to be honest. But it made a lot of sense. She said I had to clear my head more, walk outside more, do more things for myself by myself just to clear that full head of all those thoughts.

If I see that list I can name almost 20 which I seem to have; the worst being itchy, mood swings, irritability, trouble sleeping, anxiety, faulty memory, achy joints, muscles, tense muscles, weight gain, clammy feeling and the hot flashes and night sweats. The past week sore breasts joined happily along with them. So waiting on the rest of the list to join in... Thankfully my period has gone for good so that's the one good thing about it! I don't see restless legs syndrome on there but it should! God that's annoying! And the itchy thing... when I finally sleep I wake up from scratching my head because it has gotten so dry and itchy!
Menopause; and to think I'm only 48.... darn...
*breathe in, breathe out*

We have to see the humour in it somehow, somewhere...
Anyone?

© KH

Head explosion

It's happening again; my head is working overtime. It's on the verge of exloding so it seems. Even in the middle of the night, when I wake up to go to the bathroom, it is never quiet. Even then I am thinking all kind of things at the same time. I want to scream at my brain to stop doing that, to be quiet for once. I notice that I'm rambling at clients too, I am louder than I am supposed to be. Even when I want to try to meditate my mind isn't giving me a break, nope, it's going on and on and on... there is no stillness.

I was in a good place, doing what felt right to my body, eating more healthy feeling better and when I let it go a little I suddenly started feeling anxious again. When I looked for a quote just now and found the one above I thought; that's it! My mind is bullying my body again. It is used to eating all this crap and when I started doing what is best for me and let that go a little bit it started to act up again. I keep getting aches and pains again and my mind, my bloody mind isn't keeping quiet!
I have stopped listening to myself again. Crap, it's so simple sometimes and I did need this blog to start writing it down again, to come to this conclusion! How the mind works...

I need to let go of the old me again. I need to keep working on it, to better myself. I was on the right path, but things, every day life, keeps yanking me of my path. I shouldn't let it, but it happens. I need to stay on my path no matter what! I have chosen this path because it is the right thing to do. I haven't even given myself time to sit and relish in the wonderful things this season is giving me. I adore Autumn and every Autumn I say to myself; I need to enoy the turning of the leaves this time, I need to walk in the woods and soak it up. But it never happens! I watch it from my window which is the saddest thing ever.

So as soon as I have posted this blog, I am going outside and kick in the autumn leaves, enjoy nature. Find myself again. Calming my mind. And hopefully it will be silenced. Before my head will explode.

© KH

Becoming the real you

Everyone knows it probably or has experienced it; other people always know best how you should be, or should live your life or should behave etc. So have I in my life; people always know better how I should be, what I should say or not, or how I should look. Be careful, what will others think of you? Well, I've finally come to a point in my life that I really don't care anymore what others think of me. If I ever did. I have stopped a long time ago to listen to the negative people who not always have your best interest in mind. Almost never actually. Only you know what is best for you.

The one thing that was bothering me was me being overweight and having low energy all the time. I started eating more healthy but still it didn't help. Until one day I walked into a shop where they sell homeopathic stuff and I just out of the blue (even surprised myself) to the sales-girl if she had something that could help me lose some weight and still being healthy. She recomended green tea pills to help burn fat easily and drink only pure green tea. I started doing that and felt better after a few days. Of course I missed my coffee as I am a lover of the stuff but I saw what it did to my skin alone! I started changing my daily meals, less meat (hardly any) more nuts and mushrooms and beans and rice or quinoa and more green veggies and fruit.
I had a painful, sore spot under my ribs on the left for a long time, and even that is gone now I've noticed, just from eating differently and just watching what you eat! 

Then I came across a book by Tara Stiles 'Make your own rules diet' (in Dutch 'Powerfood, Yoga en Meditatie' ) and what she writes is hitting so close to home! She is saying everything I am saying for so long! Dieting doesn't work (been there done that), you just have to do what feels good for you, listen to yourself more (when did I stop doing that?)and you need to move (you can't sit on your ass all day, which of course I love to do, writing all day after work).
She even encluded recipes which are easy to make and give you all you need. (and make my mouth water)

I even like my green tea better now than when I drink coffee and that's saying something!
I know I still have a (very) long way to go, but I'm glad I'm doing it and thanks to Tara I'm in the mood to get moving again and eating even more healthy.

© KH

Couch Potato

Of course I knew it allready and one look at my body says it all; I am sitting way too much. But new studies have proven that too much sitting can give you all kind of illnesses. Like what; well mental illness for one. I never knew that one!

We all are sitting our lives away; it is bad for our health and even our life expectancy.
Researchers have reported that sitting for long hours is linked to:

• Worse mental health
• A higher risk of death from heart disease and other causes
• A higher risk of being disabled

Dear god, if they want to scare me they are succeeding!
But wait, there's more:

The new studies add even more weight (funny) to earlier research suggesting that too much sitting is bad -- even if you get regular exercise. 

Experts say they still don't know for sure which comes first. Does too much sitting trigger poor health, or is it the other way around?
They also say we may need to think about sitting and exercise as two separate behaviors, each contributing on its own to our health. So while that 1-hour jog is great for you, it may not undo the 8 hours sitting at your desk.

Great, I don't exercise at all! I'm going to die... I'm obese as it is and a huge couch potato. After work (not at a desk) I'm glad I can put my feet up to be honest! Exercise too? I know I should but I don't.

Too much sitting has been linked to cardiovascular events like heart attack, heart disease death, overall death, and death from cancer.
Sitting time has also been linked with high blood pressure, obesity, bad cholesterol, and too much belly fat.

So even though I have not a sitting job, how can I reduce sitting or if you do have a sitting job how can you reduce it?

• Use a standing desk at work. More workplaces are warming to the idea, she says.
• Give yourself reminders to sit less. At home, consider a TV commercial your signal to get out of your chair briefly. At work, use a smaller coffee cup or glass so your trips for refills will be more frequent.
• Change social norms. At a meeting, you might explain, "I am going to take a standing break

 After reading all this I think I will start with walking again, starting tonight!

© KH

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Life is what happens..

 

Sometimes there are things happening in life that you cannot control, things that are affecting your mood as well or maybe even things that make you think about your own life and that it isn't so bad after all. 

Today was a day like every other day. I got up at 7, did my morning routine and went to work at my elderly peeps. I've had really strange dreams I recall waking up, about being in a hotel room and all kind of animals running around escaping from under the beds and what not. I've also had some aches and pains lately but I'm blaming those solely on myself; not excerising enough, sitting behind my laptop writing too long at a time among other things. But when I see some of my elderly women I think I really need to excersise more or watch what I eat better or I will get in trouble when I'm old(er). Anyway, when I was sitting down for some coffee her nurse came in and when we came to talk about the geese in the pond across from our home. One pair already had 5 little ones. She told us that she hoped they would live cause last year she'd seen kids from the school with a large stick with a nail in it, beating the chicks to death. She screamed to them to stop it from across the pond and called the police but it was too late.

geese with young (2012)

I really was horrified by her story and it is still stuck in my head. I love geese and I'm so happy that they come back each year which they won't if they get beaten of course!
Later on I was walking my dog and ran into a neighbour. He asked me if I knew that an acquaintance of ours was sick again. The man had stomach cancer but the last time I saw him he was better and the cancer was gone. Now it had returned and he wouldn't get better again so he told me. The man was given two months at the most. His idea was to collect money and buy flowery plants for his garden so that he could enjoy it now he still could instead of buying flowers for his grave later on. I couldn't agree more. 

But still, I went home from my walk with even more on my mind than before. Count your blessings I thought to myself, go and walk more and take care of yourself. Of course it's not to say I won't get sick but I should enjoy life more without the aches and pains and stress I sometimes have now and when I walked into my garden this little fellow made me smile with his presence after being away for the whole winter; 

You can't shut the world out, but you can't let everything consume your mind either and sometimes I let it which is not good at all. No when to let things go and enjoy the little things in life! 

© KH

Change of self

The mean reason I wasn't writing a lot on this blog anymore was that every time I did I got some comments I did not like much or no comments at all. The comments I didn't like were quite often from people who didn't understand what I was trying to say.
One time someone said to me; 'So what if people aren't responding to your blog? The main reason you're writing is for yourself isn't it?' which is very true!

So this is another atempt of me writing my twisted thoughts. Although; twisted, probably everyone is thinking the same things now and again but they're not writing them down and I am. I need to write. This blog is for me a necessity. I need to write or my head will burst.

So this change of self; First I need/want to write more, not only more about this change but also more stories. Not only fanfiction which I'm writing and poems but also short stories and writing on my 'novel'. I find that difficult somehow; It's in my head but short stories are much easier plus I like to write those more.

What I did to start to change a week ago is quiting the sugar. I mean I was putting sugar in my coffee and I drink lots of coffee. I have a sweet tooth and I just stopped a week ago after I had the flu. I didn't feel happy anymore, I lacked energy, felt restless and bloated, my stomach protested, my liver hurt (yes it felt very painfull if I touched my belly!) and I was so tired all the time. Now I'm eating more fruit (I was such a bad fruit eater) and after a week I can feel the change already. I have more energy, I do more, I'm not bloated anymore and I'm feeling healthier if that is even possible after just one week. Sure I need to lose weight as I'm hugely overweight but that's not the reason why I'm doing this. It's the inner voice that was nagging all the time, (Listening to my body; didn't do that either)and feeling better in my own skin that was the trigger.

Hopefully I can keep this up because boy do we have loads of added sugars in our food!

Here are some informative articles about hidden sugars and added sugars.

© KH