Sunday, 31 August 2014

Music on Sunday; Lady Diana

There are days in your life where things happen and you'll never forget what you did that day, or where you were and who with. For me there are a number of days but one of them is the day I heard Lady Diana had died in a car crash. I remember where I was (at my parents house) what I did (walking down the stairs when my mum turned the radio on with the news) and what we were going to do. I was shocked and wanted to watch the news all day long but we had planned a trip to an amusement park for months. My youngest son was six months and my oldest 2½ years old and exited to go. So we went but I was thinking about her and this sad news all day.
Of course I watched the days after the funeral, the two young princes and all those people who cried.

Today it's 17 years ago and still every year I think of that day.

Here is some music of the days that followed and the tribute;  we never forget

© KH

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Wordless Wednesday, Abandoned Scotland

Lennox Castle - Lennoxtown, Scotland

 Abandoned house near the Calanais Stones, Isle of Lewis, Outer Hebrides, Scotland

 staircase of old abandoned Scottish hospital 

Dunmore Park Mansion

Loch An Eilein

Gartloch Mental Hospital Insane Asylum Glasgow

The entire island of Stroma is abandoned

Abandoned fishing vessel on the Isle of Kerrera, Scotland.

© KH

Monday, 25 August 2014

Self reflection

In my blogs I'm constantly questioning myself, or reflecting, to grow, to become a better version of myself or maybe become the real me. I think in my life I've never really became the person who I want to be. Maybe I am starting to get to know her now but it's taken a long time. I was always trying to be a person I was not. I know I'm a rather loud person, I know now it's probabaly due to my insecurities. My mum always told me not to talk so loud, or laugh so hard. What would the family think or the neighbours. God forbid! I love my mum to bits but if you get the feeling you can't be who you are that's not a nice feeling at all. Even now I'm almost 47 she can give you the feeling you musn't be who you are. I'm sure if you talk to her about it she'll brush it aside and say it's ridiculous but it's how the insecure person inside me feels.

Even in my marriage I was a very insecure person. My ex-husband was a very strong willed person but so am I. And still I never got the change to be who I am. It's taken me years after our divorce to figure out who I am and there are still times I'm not sure I already know. Eventhough my ex and I don't have contact anymore (not even about the children, it's just not possible) he still tries to butt in my life whenever he can. I don't know why he just does. The kids are at an age where they do a lot of things themselves. Oldest son has too anyway, his dad made it clear he isn't paying a damn thing and he hasn't for several years.
After stressing about it and argueing with him the kids and I have decided to ignore that and go about our own business.
We don't want to make our lives a living hell or stressful because of their dad.

It's taken me a lot and a lot of blogs and stressing to come to the person I am now. But everytime something happens in relation to ex and the kids someone with their own ideas about my ex will tell me what to do. They think I need to sue him and take him for all he's worth. That I let him get away with everything and he's laughing and I'm a fool to take it all. And so on and so forth.
The kids and I have talked about it years ago, after we decide to discontinue the co-parenting.
It would mean more stress for them and me. Sure maybe he had to finally pay up after a long and stressful period of time but would that be worth all the argueing and stress we would have? We don't think so.

I am happier without that negative person in my life. I don't want to talk to him anymore. Everytime I've tried he always wanted to convince me he was right and I was not. You wouldn't believe how stressful every conversation with that man was, how draining.
It was like he was sucking the life right out of you.
It's bad enough oldest son is living there but it's his own choice, he doesn't have too. Ex is ill, or rather he has a heart condition and has had loads of small strokes. Ever since then he's more angry and towards me it seems and we're not togethere anymore. The best thing for me is distance myself both mentally as fysically (last one I already did)
The first one is still hard because he's the father of my kids and the things he does (or doesn't do) effects them the most. It's even harder not to talk bad about him to them. But I have to try harder. Oldest son has been here for the summer, but he lives with his dad since a year now because his school is there. In the weekends he's here again.
But he told me the other day that there is no woman in the world he loves more than me and there probably never will be. I teared up after that. I'm not doing half as bad as I sometimes think I do appartenly. I do it all, the parenting, the caring, the worrying. And not only the fun stuff like their dad is doing all their life and still does.

I'm sure I will need to rant sometimes on here from time to time, but I do hope I can close the book and never look that way again or stress over him ever again.
I want to be the real me or to find the real me without having to stress over people bringing me down every time.
I need to make time for me instead of wasting it on negative people who aren't worth my time.

© KH

Sunday, 24 August 2014

Music on Sunday, Work

Well the holiday is over, tomorrow morning it's back to work again.
Although I didn't go on holiday but was lazying around the house I did enjoy it. But I'm also happy to be seeing my elderly peeps again. :)

So here are some very different songs about work to start this week of:

Obviously, just complaining about the inconveniences of your work day job fades into insignificance against the iniquities of any type of forced labor.

© KH

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Wordless Wednesday; most beautiful Villages in the world

 Hobbinton, New Zealand

 Mountain Village, Iran

 Colmar, France

Vernazza, Italy

Hallstadt, Austria

Bilbury, England

Floating Village in Halong Bay near Cat ba Island, Vietnam

Gásadalur Village, Faroe Islands

Reine, Norway

Fort Bourtange, Groningen, Netherlands

© KH

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Music on Sunday; Music inspired by Shakespeare

Being inspired by Shakespeare lately (hence the quotes yesterday) I thought I'd look up if there are songs that are also inspired by Shakespeare and yes there are quite a lot actually:

Some of the lyrics were inspired by Shakespeare's Romeo And Juliet. In Shakespeare's play, Romeo swallows poison when he believes Juliet is dead. Juliet responds by taking her own life. This led many people to believe the song was about suicide, but Dharma was using Romeo and Juliet as an example of a couple who had faith that they would be together after their death.

The idea for the Walrus came from the poem The Walrus and The Carpenter, which is from the sequel to Alice in Wonderland called Through the Looking-Glass.
The voices at the end of the song came from a BBC broadcast of the Shakespeare play King Lear, which John Lennon heard when he turned on the radio while they were working on the song. He decided to mix bits of the broadcast into the song, resulting in some radio static and disjointed bits of dialogue.The section of King Lear used came from Act Four, Scene 6, with Oswald saying: "Slave, thou hast slain me. Villain, take my purse," which comes in at the 3:52 mark. After Oswald dies, we hear this dialogue:
Edgar: "I know thee well: a serviceable villain, As duteous to the vices of thy mistress As badness would desire."
Gloucester: "What, is he dead?"
Edgar: "Sit you down, father. Rest you."

This was a working title that stuck because the band felt that Shakespeare's Richard III, which is a very dark play, matched the menacing tone of the song. Richard III himself is not mentioned in the lyrics and has nothing to do with this number.

This is one of three Shakespeare sonnet settings on All Days Are Nights: Songs For Lulu. Sometimes their harmonies can be very adventurous. Spinner UK asked Wainwright if the complexity of the language influenced him. He replied: "What I found with the Shakespeare sonnets is because he was such a genius, you just shouldn't think too much -- have it be more of a 'feel' situation. That's the route I took. Hook your musical knowledge onto the sonnet and just see where it takes you, and ask no questions, and you'll get somewhere."

The lyric: "Another sunrise with my sad captains, with you I choose to lose my mind" comes from a line in Shakespeare's play Antony and Cleopatra. It's adapted from when Mark Antony speaks about his drinking partners: "Come, let's have one other gaudy night; call to me all my sad captains; fill our bowls; once more, let's mock the midnight bell."

© KH

Monday, 11 August 2014

Bears on the road again

“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems” ― Epictetus

You are seeing bears on the road. This Dutch saying means that you only see obstacles instead of seeing the possibilities.
I am a person who gets, or as I thought got, quite anxious about the weirdest things. Or as I like to say: I see bears on my road where there are none. Instead of seeing the road or a way around the bears I see only the bears and start to panic and feel anxious. All personal growth takes a hold when this starts to happen of course. It's not wise to let the bears take over; it's  much wiser to stay calm and follow your intuition, but that's not always easy. In order to see the road you must know where you are heading, where you want to go and what your goal is.

I know I am a person that if something happens in my life I act immediately without thinking. Sometimes to hasty and afterwards I think; I should have done this or that or said this or that or thought about it longer before saying anything at all. Then the worrying really kicks in. What will the other person do now? Will he or she be angry or have I made a bad situation worse? Even though I was right?

All his life I have fought for my youngest son who has a mild case of autism. When he was younger and a lot of teacher in school didn't understand what he autism was or how they should act I fought that they would understand him and treat him correctly. Even now when he is learning to be a cook his mentor at school isn't understanding him. He has told me son needs to be more enthousiastic but as most people know, not all autistic people can do that, it's not their nature. Son loves this trade but you can't see it on his face. We had all kind of talks about this, but the man just doesn't understand. Now when it's summer holiday, I got an email from my ex (while we don't even have any contact what so ever) where he's complaining that the mentor said the parents never had any contact with school and that son isn't right for the trade. And there they were again; the bears. Surely but slowly they came walking up that road where I had so carefully shoved them off a while back.
I ignored my ex (an ex is an ex for a reason after all) and I emailed the mentor very politely but with hidden anger.

The bears are still there, now for every stupid thing I think of. I have 2 weeks off myself and we're not going away but maybe doing odd jobs around the house. But the bears are taunting me. Really? Should you? But what if... and if you... and and and...
It's so damn annoying! I really want them to go away again and this time permanently.
So I'm trying to relax and breathe and let go.
Ksh, go away bears into the woods where you belong!

© KH

Sunday, 10 August 2014

Music on Sunday; That takes me back: 20 years ago

Yesterday was my eldest son's birthday. He's now 20. Things like that always make you think don't they? What was I doing when I was his age? How fast the time went by is another! And what music did I listen to when I was pregnant? I know one thing: When I was picking out names, I was inspired by an Italian female singer who was having a number of hit singles in Europe; Laura Pausini. So if he was a girl his first name would have been Laura.

Kurt Cobain had committed suicide and the Euro Channel was openend. Diana and Charles got their divorce and the first Playstation was launched. Son's dad had one but it was very unlikely people had a mobile phone;
It looked just like the first one only bigger and you could pull the antenne out!

And yes the music: whát did we listen too back then?

Laura of course:

© KH