Monday, 11 August 2014

Bears on the road again

“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems” ― Epictetus

You are seeing bears on the road. This Dutch saying means that you only see obstacles instead of seeing the possibilities.
I am a person who gets, or as I thought got, quite anxious about the weirdest things. Or as I like to say: I see bears on my road where there are none. Instead of seeing the road or a way around the bears I see only the bears and start to panic and feel anxious. All personal growth takes a hold when this starts to happen of course. It's not wise to let the bears take over; it's  much wiser to stay calm and follow your intuition, but that's not always easy. In order to see the road you must know where you are heading, where you want to go and what your goal is.

I know I am a person that if something happens in my life I act immediately without thinking. Sometimes to hasty and afterwards I think; I should have done this or that or said this or that or thought about it longer before saying anything at all. Then the worrying really kicks in. What will the other person do now? Will he or she be angry or have I made a bad situation worse? Even though I was right?

All his life I have fought for my youngest son who has a mild case of autism. When he was younger and a lot of teacher in school didn't understand what he autism was or how they should act I fought that they would understand him and treat him correctly. Even now when he is learning to be a cook his mentor at school isn't understanding him. He has told me son needs to be more enthousiastic but as most people know, not all autistic people can do that, it's not their nature. Son loves this trade but you can't see it on his face. We had all kind of talks about this, but the man just doesn't understand. Now when it's summer holiday, I got an email from my ex (while we don't even have any contact what so ever) where he's complaining that the mentor said the parents never had any contact with school and that son isn't right for the trade. And there they were again; the bears. Surely but slowly they came walking up that road where I had so carefully shoved them off a while back.
I ignored my ex (an ex is an ex for a reason after all) and I emailed the mentor very politely but with hidden anger.

The bears are still there, now for every stupid thing I think of. I have 2 weeks off myself and we're not going away but maybe doing odd jobs around the house. But the bears are taunting me. Really? Should you? But what if... and if you... and and and...
It's so damn annoying! I really want them to go away again and this time permanently.
So I'm trying to relax and breathe and let go.
Ksh, go away bears into the woods where you belong!

© KH

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