Monday, 30 June 2014


It seems like I keep writing these kind of blogs for as long as I'm writing blogs. If one reads back at my older (Dutch) blogs I'm always struggling with myself, with letting go, with anxiety issues.
With feeling truely free of all burden and stress because isn't that what we all really are after?

The last days/week(s) I've had this feeling again: What it is, I really can't say. It's not that 'stone on my stomach' kind of feeling I've had before, no this time the stone rests higher. More on my chest. Plus there's an uncomfortable nagging (not even a pain) in my side, just below my rib on the left side. Of course I started Googling. I always do. One does not feel happy while Googling on these matters! You really start feeling ill doing that! Not only do you start thinking like you have a heart condition but also you're starting to worry you might have a whole lot more!
Speaking of anxiety!

It says there that women in there (early) menopause have more change of getting heart attacks or other heart conditions and the symptoms they were describing were very similar to the ones I'm having because of menopause! Go figure! Of course I can go to see my doctor but I never do anyway. The times I see them (they are a couple) I can't even remember.

I just know what to do. But why don't I? I'm anxious because of the things above and because of the things with my teens and hub happing. Just the normal every day things that get to me. And because I can't share them with another grown-up (read: their dad or a partner who hasn't got autism) everything feels like it's on my shoulders or in this case on my chest.
I know what to do, I did it many times before I just need to do it again. That nagging feeling in my side is from my bowels. So I need to watch what I eat, exercise more and try and lose weight. Yes that again. The anxiety comes from bottleling things up too long. I need to meditate more and write, for god's sakes write woman! You know that helps you! It really doesn't matter if no one reads it! (well it does but if it helps me...)

Of course if none of this will help I will go to the doctor, but I'm fairly sure this will all help. It's just me being stupid and not listening to my body again. My mind wanting to take over and my body saying: What you're doing? Stop that!
My motto in life is: Everything happens for a reason, I really should trust that it does more:

So let it go, don't get so worked up about everything and everyone and eat the right food, exercize more and meditate!
And all will be well in the world! And my body and mind.

© KH

1 comment:

Jenna P said...

We know all this yet we cant control the urge to stress over it, can we? Well written kati, im glad I get these tit bits from you guys earlier on in life.. I have the opportunities to implement them :) Bedankt, ik hou van jou!