Sunday, 28 August 2016

Music on Sunday; Classical music for Summer

It's been very hot lately and hard to sleep in this heat. Hopefully it will cool next week. For this Sunday let's relax with some Classical Summer music; Have a nice Sunday.

This is one of my favourite pieces; I can see myself standing in an English field watching the lark while listening this;

© KH

Sunday, 21 August 2016

Music on Sunday; Stargate Universe music

Like I said before I love good music to a good tv series especially when it's a favourite of mine like Stargate. I was rewatching Stargate Universe the other day and the music is beautifully chosen.
So today some of the music from the (too) short 2 season SGU. I like to look for vids with images of the series which are mostly fanvids, great ones too!

© KH

Wednesday, 17 August 2016


Ever since I've started working on myself all those years ago I thought I was on the right path. I diverted once in while but still I was doing great. I let myself be distracted often, I blame my adhd as well, or perhaps my menopause and all the things that come along with it, but still I was on the way to being Mindfull and causiously optimistic about that.

There have been times I've been down and very pessimistic about everything but all in all I always saw myself as a very happy optimistic person. But lately more and more I find myself shaking my head when I read something (today it was about a moon eclipse and how it would effect so many people ) and thinking what utter nonsense it is. Of course I still believe in the power of the Universe and that everything is connected but some overdo it.

In little things I notice it as well; every time one of my sons was taking a girl home I just knew if she would be gone soon or not and when they asked me afterwards what I'd think they already saw it on my face (sorry, my face can't lie) and every time I was right even though they said I wouldn't be.

At work meetings, I'm the one with the 'big mouth' who says the things everyone is thinking but no one is daring to say. I know they don't like it very much, but someone has to say it right?
If nothing else I am honest.
I always am prepared whenever we go away, when no one else think to take certain things with them, I have it. That's not being pessimistic, it's realistic.
I try to avoid drama at all costs, because drama consists mostly of people acting irrationally, and that irritates me to no end.
The 'I told you so' is on the tip of my tongue a lot... ;-)

On the other hand; me worrying so much sometimes isn't a realistic trade. Or wanting your life to have gone a certain way that it's not. So perhaps that too needs a little more work. I've come a long way and I'm certain that one day I will be there.

© KH

Sunday, 14 August 2016

Music on Sunday; Worrying

Yesterday my quotes were about worrying and anxiety, so let's see if there's any music to fit to those;

but how much I can worry sometimes I do try my best to do this;

© KH

Saturday, 13 August 2016

Quotes and Pics 243

Because my son went on holiday and I was worrying too damn much I made quote pics about worrying and anxiety this week.

© KH

Wednesday, 10 August 2016


Yesterday my oldest son had his birthday and turned 22 already. I find birthdays of kids always a bit of a time to reflect as a mum; where has the time gone? Before you know it they have gone out of the house and live on their own.
I know that a few years ago I wrote a blog about him leaving my home to go live at his dad's house and that I was scared of loosing him already.
I should have know better than to worry over that; after a year he came back to live here. Not only because he wanted to be back here but also because his girlfriend lives nearer here and a few other reasons.
But I know that the time will come that they will leave 'the nest'. If I'm prepeared that's a whole different matter all together.

When I was 19 I went on to live with what was to become the dad of my kids. Didn't know it then though, as I didn't know of course that we would get a divorce 18 years after we were married. So every moment the boys are living here longer than I lived at my parents house is one to be cherrished perhaps. On the other hand are they ready to live on their own yet? But was I?

Things have a way of turning out as they should. You may want to help it turn out the way you want it to but that's no use. What ever is supposed to happen will happen in the end. So all I as their mum can do is be there for them and hope that in the meantime I've prepared them enough for 'the big world' to live on their own. I can worry but as I am well aware that's a useless occupation.
But still.... where did the time go?

© KH

Sunday, 7 August 2016

Music on Sunday; Singing actors

A few years ago I wrote daily on a forum with a bunch of girls. One of the things I participated in was a topic about music. Sometimes I find it difficult to think of a theme and I thought about that forum. I looked it up and we had a different theme then too each time. So today actors who also sing;

two for the price of one;

Ah Patrick Swayze...

I love this one; I think it probably started with Ally Mcbeal but they still sing off and on together;

Who knew he could sing and so beautifully too;

© KH

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Chattering mind

For the past few weeks I have started my day with a daily meditation. A guided meditation that is because if I try to meditate on my own my mind immediately starts to wander and think all kind of thoughts when I want it to be still. It never does; when I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom immediately my mind must think we are up and ready for a new day because the moment I start to walk to the bathroom the chatter begins. By the time I'm back in bed I have heard over ten songs in my head, thought I don't know how many thought about the next day or the last week or other things. The concequence of all that is that I can't fall back to sleep and often am staring at the ceiling in the hope the sleep will return.

A few weeks ago I was trying to meditate and the chatter started again. I was fed up with it and told my mind; STOP! My mind's response; Hammer time!

I like having an associative mind but that was going too far! The meditation didn't work (I shouldn't have said stop of course but let the thoughts pass me by like clouds in the sky) at that point and I have to be careful not to repeat it like that again.

But how do I get rid of the chatter in my mind?
There are a lot of different sites which want to help me with that so I have done some research and here are some tips;

1. See your brain as an innocent child; It does where it is good at; creating thoughts. You have to learn to accept yourself as you are with your thought-filled mind. Yes, you might not fall asleep right away now, but don't worry. Feed your mind with positive thoughts, that make you happy.

2. Try to see yourself as a clear blue sky. You are the sky and your thoughts are the clouds. Sometimes there are no clouds but there are times there are so many there is  a thunderstorm.
The sky is much bigger than the clouds. The clouds are drifting around in the the sky but they aren't the sky itself, just as you are not your thoughts.
How thick the clouds may be, above it is always the blue sky. When your head is filled with clouds (thoughts) go find a quiet place and try to observe the clouds. As if you're lying on the grass and watching the clouds drifting on by above you. Without judging them, just watch them, just let them be. You are not your thoughts, your thoughts are not who you are.

3. Meditate regulary.
Even when you feel that it's no use, that your thoughts are in the way of becoming quiet, when you meditate every day you will start to feel the effect eventually. Just sit or lie down and close your eyes and focus your attention on your breathing. When you notice your focus is diverted away from your breathing, gently turn back to it without judging yourself for it.

4. Don't fall for your own thoughts.
What you think is not true most times anyway, which is very important because most people believe what they think.
- 'I can't do that and I never will'
- 'I will fail so I won't even try'
- 'I'm unattractive, fat, ugly and I hate myself'
- 'See? he doesn't want me, nobody loves me'
- 'I'm lazy and worthless and I'm not contributing anything to this world anyway'

Those kind of thoughts are rubbish and merely genereted by your brain out of fear, insecurities and thought patterns of old. Not out of self love, compassion, or happiness. All fine if you don't let it compromise your selfworth.

5. Perhaps sometimes it is best to go with the flow instead of trying to change things. You can learn to train your brain but if the chatter stays than maybe other things work for you;

- Write a journal/blog (I find that very helpfull so perhaps I need to do that more) Write down what you're worried about, or how your day's been. By putting things in writing you bring structure to your brain. If you write everyday, it won't get so 'full' up there anyway.
- put down a piece of paper next to your bed. Whenever thoughts come into your mind, you can write them down immediately. Todo's or idea's whatever comes to mind.
- Plan in the evening what you want to do the next day.
- Give yourself less choices; minimalism helps to worry less.

I'm not sure if I will use everything from those tips but I'm sure going to try a few.
In the meantime I will continue meditating because I'm sure that will help quiting the mind.

© KH