Sunday, 28 February 2016

Music on Sunday; Oscar night

It's time for the Oscar's again and although they're not airing it here unfortunately (again) only the highlight, I always hoping to catch a glimpse of it.
So for today's Music blog, let's listen to some epic film scores whether they've won an Oscar or not ; the right music is what makes or brakes a film; enjoy.

Since this film was up for an award last year (with my favourite actor in it) this one must go first; I adore the music from Alexandre Desplat.

Aw, one of my favourite films ever has won back in 1971 an Oscar for original song score and adaptation;

© KH

Wednesday, 24 February 2016


My son said to me recently; 'some people do something with their lives, mum, instead of sitting home all the time'. I know he didn't mean it like it sounded, but it made me think. Do I mind this live I have chosen for myself? Sometimes I do, sometimes I did wish I could do more, go out more, travel more. But... and there is the big and ugly but... I just can't. For most people it is unimaginable the life hub and I lead, staying in so much, not going out and do stuff. But most of the time it's just a question of money. I really would love to travel more, see more, do more. Plus I'm not so comfortable anymore around people.

But I'm also disappointing myself; I'm not writing as much as I want anymore; I'm not studying enough. I'm not listening to my body, in short; I'm sitting in my comfortable bubble at home locking myself in it. I feel like my gran, only she had a mild case of autism in hindsight. She didn't go out anymore in the last years of her life. She didn't want to see other people but her family. I know it's not good, but I don't want to change is just yet. I don't know why; there will be a time I'm sure that it will be changed. Of course I go out; I go to work every day, meet people there, meet my co workers. Meet up with my family go to them by train. Hub and I go to a museum now and again. That must be enough for now. What son probably doesn't understand (which maybe hurt most of all) is that he made a comparison between his dad and me. His dad going to all kind of things and I'm not. His dad who didn't pay his wages, didn't put his two cents in when it came to his children. I'm doing all the paying with my meazily salary.

There you go; after all this time (almost 10 years) one tiny remark from my son can still get to me. Can still give me the feeling of anger, annoyance, of helplesness. Maybe not even that; maybe just; I should have done it differently so that I could have had it better now. But I should have is too late, it doesn't help. Why can't I let go of that? Why does it irritate me so how he spends his money other than on his/our children? I don't know but I really should stop it! It's not helping me and returning to my innerpeace which I have lost once again.

Bit crude but yeah; that quote says it all really.

Letting go is easily said. Practicing mindfulness too; chancing your life is hard to do. Changing yourself is even harder. But I'm constantly trying... no matter what everyone is saying.

© KH

Sunday, 21 February 2016

Music on Sunday; War & Peace

The last weeks on Sundays we have enjoyed the beautiful adaption of BBC's War and Peace. The music that goes with it is often what makes or breaks a series or film. The BBC knows better than no other how to do that. So for this Sunday I hope you will enjoy the Russian atmosphere as much as I did all those weeks added with some of Russia's greatest composers; Enjoy.

© KH

Sunday, 14 February 2016

Sunday, 7 February 2016

Music on Sunday; Die Neue Deutsche Welle

Sometimes you hear things on the radio that immediately bring you back. This week it was my favourite morning DJ who was talking about the 80s and the 'Neue Deutsche Welle'. That would be my theme for this Sunday I thought; I'm not sure if I already did this one, not really care too... it's a great one to hear again; so enjoy!

This is really one of my favourites; it sounds like one of the first games we played on tv (pong) and the way those guys did the vid... And they say Germans don't have humour!

© KH

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Getting worried over 'nothing'...

Ever since I can remember I tend to worry or get anxious over things no matter how small or big. They may not be big, they get bigger inside my brain. I've tried to ignore it or get over it but it won't go away. I've tried to give the things to worry over into the hands of others meaning my parents when I was a teen or my partner when I was married, that proved only that I never learned to deal with it myself. I learned to lock things away and ignore it like a good little ostrich normally does. I tried writing about things to relieve myself of the burden of worrying; that helped a bit; I was working on it at least. But as things go when you don't keep on working on it and start slacking the anxiety returns.

I sometimes worry about the tiniest of things. Which with my history of tiny epileptic seizures isn't the wisest thing to do. Stress can provoke those tiny seizures after all. Just last night when I woke up my mind automatically wonders to the things I was worrying about yesteray.
I was supossed to start my course from Monday but the book they sent I am to study was the wrong one. So I haven't started yet! I have a whole month for 2 lessons but still, I don't want to start with being behind already! It is material we already got at our job from our boss, a small course and I work with elderly people every day, so I don't expect it to be very difficult but still; it makes me feel uneasy to start with a delay.

The same with a thing I ordered online, a small thing concidering, but I paid for it and reading the email they sent it to an adress without a home number. Will it arrive? Will I get my money's worth? Why do I worry so much? It's so not worth it! I miss innerpeace, I need innerpeace!
I need to stop overthinking so much!
I know that if I let things go that they have a way to work out for themselves. If I know that, why can't I let it go more? I find it hard to meditate but maybe I need to practise that more as well. I'm finding myself a difficult and complicated person and very tiresome at times. Need to work on that too! Well.... a lot of work needed ; see? It helps writing it down. Right, need to blog more too!

© KH