Ever since I can remember I tend to worry or get anxious over things no matter how small or big. They may not be big, they get bigger inside my brain. I've tried to ignore it or get over it but it won't go away. I've tried to give the things to worry over into the hands of others meaning my parents when I was a teen or my partner when I was married, that proved only that I never learned to deal with it myself. I learned to lock things away and ignore it like a good little ostrich normally does. I tried writing about things to relieve myself of the burden of worrying; that helped a bit; I was working on it at least. But as things go when you don't keep on working on it and start slacking the anxiety returns.
I sometimes worry about the tiniest of things. Which with my history of tiny epileptic seizures isn't the wisest thing to do. Stress can provoke those tiny seizures after all. Just last night when I woke up my mind automatically wonders to the things I was worrying about yesteray.
I was supossed to start my course from Monday but the book they sent I am to study was the wrong one. So I haven't started yet! I have a whole month for 2 lessons but still, I don't want to start with being behind already! It is material we already got at our job from our boss, a small course and I work with elderly people every day, so I don't expect it to be very difficult but still; it makes me feel uneasy to start with a delay.
The same with a thing I ordered online, a small thing concidering, but I paid for it and reading the email they sent it to an adress without a home number. Will it arrive? Will I get my money's worth? Why do I worry so much? It's so not worth it! I miss innerpeace, I need innerpeace!
I need to stop overthinking so much!
I know that if I let things go that they have a way to work out for themselves. If I know that, why can't I let it go more? I find it hard to meditate but maybe I need to practise that more as well. I'm finding myself a difficult and complicated person and very tiresome at times. Need to work on that too! Well.... a lot of work needed ; see? It helps writing it down. Right, need to blog more too!