Tuesday, 1 December 2015
With a little help of your friend(s)
(Letter to Daan who has a tough time with something I've been through myself)
Thank you for your lovely letter/email. I thought it was a bit funny at first; an email on a blog but why not. Since we both are going through the same thing and I've been whining on my blog for ages about it... why the hell not!
I write my blog in English for a while now (most of my whining part was still in Dutch) so my answer is in English as well, hope you don't mind.
I remember the time my ex, who really wasn't my ex yet at the time, told me he was seeing other women, girls really. He was dating girls from around 27 and he was aproaching 50 pretty fast! Midlife crisis, I thought, but it didn't stop him from telling me everything about it! Yes, I wanted the divorce, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt, it also didn't mean he could tell me all about his sex life right? (something we had missed for years!) (okay, too much information ;) )
Still, I get it; a divorce is something weird. When you marry someone you expect to stay together for the rest of your life, you have all these (silly) expectations of each other and all those haven't been realised years later. You feel cheated, you are grieving. You have to say goodbye to someone who is still alive, you have to say goodbye to a life/an idea of a life that you had in your mind and didn't come true. Of course that hurts. It hurts even more when you see the one you wanted to share that life with is moving on quicker and with more ease (or so it seems) than you are. I know, I've been there.
But the good news is; it will get better. You will move on too! Just give it time. Perhaps you don't move on as quickly as he does but you will, only in your own time. Maybe you just need to distance yourself from him a bit more, so you can heal (I know I did).
But I'm not you, you're not me, you need to find you're own method to heal. Sure your friends can help you, but finding what helps you most, is something only you can do. But remember; I'm here for you, as a lot of your friends will be!