Blood moon

Early this morning there was a Super moon and a Blood moon. As my youngest son was determined to watch it, I somehow 'set my biological clock' to it and woke up around 4.30 am. He had already seen it, an orange one, and yes there it was. Hub woke up as well and took a peek at it and we all went back to sleep.

Little did I know that it had such an impact as it is the fourth blood moon in a short time! I could have know, it was brewing for some time now, the changes I've made in my personal life and the unrest I've felt should have told me, but reading this, it all made sense really.

the astrology of the blood moon eclipse september 2015

You have probably already started to feel and see these changes in your own life, perhaps you have even begin to change your behaviours or attitudes to things. Perhaps you are now also realising that your way of being is no longer serving you.

I have! I have started to eat more healthy, to take care of my body (and mind?) more, eat less or no meat, no sugar suppliments, no instant food only fress veggies and fruit and lots of nuts. No more snacks and/or crisps as well.
Did I forget something? Yes of course I did. I am forgetting my mind... I don't meditate as much as I promised myself I would, I am too restless for it I find. I did start walking some more (with the emphasis on some) but I still have a bad back (back aches).

I sometimes feel like an emotional wreck. Let me put it this way; Last week I was watching Grey's Anatomy; Dr. McDreamy has recently passed away (for those who don't watch this series, you can find it via Google or YouTube to know what I'm talking about) and Meredith (his wife) and Amelia (his sister) were having a hard time dealing with his death. As were the viewers I think, I was... Every time they were talking about it or saying somethink profound I was crying like I wouldn't stop. All my suppressed emotions were surely but slowely coming to the surface. When Meredith said she had to do it all alone; I thought: So do I... When Amelia said; I don't want to feel; I thought: Neither do I... Or when they said; I can't do this: I thought: No, I can't do it either... and the tears came, not only for a dead fake doctor but for me who feels alone with a lovely man who can't help himself most of the time and who is trapped himself in his own emotions.

An example; Yesterday early morning we went walking with our old (almost) 14 year old dog who normally can't walk long distances but we thought we'd try it one more time. She seemed to like it but she's a dog, so she wanted to sniff every tree and stop at every tussock of grass that smelled funny. Of course there were cyclists in the forest. You know those bikes who can go through dirt and sand. So they don't have to stay on the path and ride everywhere and yell from afar; 'Attention!' so you can jump out of the way. We can, but a 14 year old dog can't... Hub was cranky about that and grumbling all the way long about them and to the dog (thankfully she didn't care one way or the other). A lovely Sunday morning walk in nature is being spoilt by an attitude like that I think, so I told him to stop being a drag and shut up about it already! The dog will walk on her own tempo and will come whenever she wants to; it's the forest which is for everyone, not only for those damn cyclists, and he'd either shut up or walk on without us. Enjoy the nature!

He was still mumbling and being whinging but I've always find that I can become calm in nature/the forest. If he wants to be a pain he can do that in his own time, not in mine. It worked I guess cause he stopped being a pain and we had a nice walk after. We saw some gorgeous mushrooms (pics on my other blog later) and after had a nice breakfast at home.

What I'm trying to say with this is; I find it still hard to accept that I do have a partner with autism who can switch his mood like the weather can change (Unexpectedly) and that I'm not always prepared for it. I'm finding it hard that I always feel myself a target or in the middle (with the boys) or maybe I'm not but it's just my feeling I am.
I need to find a balance between my work; my free-time at home, plus my 'duties' as a *coughs* house-wife which I am neglecting a lot at the moment due to my back aches and yes I'm lazy... :D
Also, my work has changed so much that all of my energy is going in there and there's not much left for here... which is not a good feeling.

So yes, change... I need a change. Desperately. I used to hate changes, but change doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing, right?

© KH