Monday, 20 October 2014
Karma is a bitch
When I got divorced I really thought the father of my children and I would be friends. Or try to be anyway. That obviously didn't work out and we ended up really disliking each other to put it mildly. He said things about me to other people and I did the same. Of course that's really wrong especially when there are kids in the middle of it all. So after a while I noticed that it caused more stress to my son(s) (and me) than it helped to relieve my 'dislike' of the man. I stopped being a bitch about their dad all the time. Of course I have my thoughts about his fatherhood or rather lack of it, but I keep it to myself.
A week ago my mum called me on the phone with some rather 'shocking' news; to me anyway. She told me she had met a man after being a widow for 11 years and always saying to my sis and me she'd never want another man after my dad had passed. There would never be another one like him anyway, someone who was that good of a man (her words). She was giggling on the phone and I said: 'Mum! You're in love!' 'Oh god no' she giggled 'I'm not! I'm 70! I'm not in love, god forbid!' But a few days later she phoned back and yes she had to admit she was very much in love and the man in question was too. He had said she was such a spontanious woman and a beautiful one as well. And mum said it was such a long time since anyone had said that to her let alone a man! Of course I could imagine that, being divorced and being in love myself rather quickly after that.
What bothered me however was that she started to say things about dad that she never would say before. That she had never felt like this before. Not even with dad, mum? No not that she could remember but they where very young when they met back in the 60's. And you know dad wanted out of his home with grandmum and granddad very quickly. That's not a reason to marry mum. Dad loved you dearly. Yes I know but you know how your dad was... Even uncle so and so says that... And she started to summon up a couple of flaws of my poor dead dad! He can't defend himself! He's dead! I sat there with my phone in hand and the tears came all of a sudden after our phone call. I want mum to be happy, of course I do. And yes it has been 11 years but is being in love a reason to criticize my dad after all these years all of a sudden? I don't think so!
Talking to my oldest son about this he said: 'Yes mum, it sucks doesn't it? Hearing how your mum is talking bad about your dad!' He looked at me and all of a sudden I knew how he must have felt all this time! Oh my God, Karma sucks! It bites you in the ass when you least expect it! And I didn't see this coming. I know for sure that my mum doesn't even know that she did that when I will talk about it with her. That she will be surprised and that she will think that I'm too emotional and taking dad's side again even though he's not here anymore but still.. It doesn't feel right at all and I can joke to her all I want about her crush ('mum be home at midnight and use a condom' I said to her and she burst out laughing) I feel that I will need time to get used to the idea of someone else next to her besides my dad. However stupid that may sound in my own ears even, I did after all after my divorce. I can't help how I feel, I think there's a lot I need to deal with which I never have.
Edit; while I was finishing up this blog my mum called (how do mums know? ) and we talked about this. Thankfully we are always very open and honest to each other and she understood how I felt. She knows that I need time to adjust to the new situation and we talked about dad. She didn't know it hurt me the things she said (they are true I know that but sometimes you only want to hear the good things about your parents and not the not so good, so does my son about his dad) Listening to her about the man she's in love with I think he's a good man but she understands (so does he) I need time and that's okay. I think it's stupid, but she doesn't thankfully. I can't help the way I am, she said after all, she made me. ;)