Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Wednesday Wisdom; I regret nothing

Some days I need a reminder of myself that I am just doing the best I know how. No, that I kick ass! That I'm awesome, that I rock! Let's be honest here; I am being a single parent to my two boys for ages now even when they have a dad. For years he didn't think it was important enough to be a part of their upbringing, he didn't want to meet and discuss their lives. Not even when we were married he wanted to come to meetings and if he did it all revolved around him. That the kids were supposed to be the centre of our attention didn't even come in mind. No he wanted to feel important. After our divorce I felt such a relieve as if a huge rock was lifted from my chest. No more 'mister look how nice I am' no more 'dad who is there only for the fun stuff' and not for the important things (and often things that will not make you popular but are necessary). 

For the past ten years since we've been apart I've been doing it alone, without any support, moral and financial, I've been doing great. The boys' stepdad has helped of course but mostly I've been doing the raising all by myself. Of course there have been some disagreements between me and the boys especially now that they're older, we don't always agree on things but I find that they have to be able to make their own mistakes and learn from it. Not be bossed around, because that's what 'he's' been doing again... yep he's back! He seems to think that I am not doing a good enough job as a responsible mum. We never agreed on matters of upbringing anyway so why does he think that has changed? 

A few weeks ago he started to e-mail me. He wanted to speak to teachers of youngest son's school. When we divorced we agreed we would have co-parenting; which meant he would take care of everything of oldest (financially and school stuff etc) and I would do that for youngest. He didn't do that for oldest anyway, the co-parenting was a farce and only lasted a year. The kids have been mostly with me, with all the costs that came along with it. He never payed a single thing! Now he thinks he has a say in their lives! 

What makes me mad is the way I am taken by it. The way it is affecting me and my life or my mental health. I start to worry more and I really don't need that.
I did great without him, I don't need him, the boys go to him if they want to go. Sometimes I even have to tell them to go. I wouldn't want to go to someone who is always pressing me to do stuff either. 

I really don't want to be back where I was ten years ago. I don't want to engage in those endless e-mail conversations again. When I told him that he accused me of holding on to the past... He is home with a burn out so he is bored out of his skull, that's the only reason why he's bothering us/me.
I need to let go again. He is powerless without my respons, I don't need to fuel the fire. I don't need him anymore.

Looking at my boys I see two almost adult males who need some refining still but whom I raised well. I did a damn good job! They are what they are today because of me, because I did MY job as their mum. Never letting go, I did my job and I did a damn good one! 
I can be proud of that!
I regret nothing! 

© KH


Melody Steenkamp said...

Heeeeeejjjj mutsjeeeeeee... je schrijf het in het begin van je verhaal al.... je bent de beste moeder die die knullen zich kunnen wensen... en dat weet je ook wel want ze dragen je op handen immers?!

laat je niet van je stuk brengen door die jeweetwellelijkwoord, hij is 't echt niet waard, veel te zonde van jouw energie en tijd.


Kati H said...

Nee hoor meis was ik ook niet van plan! Wilde het gewoon even van me afschrijven en klaar ermee! ��
Knuffel terug! ��