Wednesday, 25 May 2016

Social Loneliness

Sometimes I wonder where they all have vanished too; the friends I used to have. Real life friends that is. Nowadays we all have online friends as well; friends we 'talk' to every day on Facebook or Twitter. I have more online friends than real life friends now. In my life I never did have many friends, a handful at a time but it was enough.
They say you change friends every 7 years. It's been nine years now and there haven't been new ones for the ones I lost; the ones that left me hanging after my divorce. The ones that felt I was projecting my hurt on them (which I most certainly was not).

The last of them just stopped contacting me last year. I tried for a long time to keep our contact going but when it is just onesided you stop real quick.
I read an article the other day that people with a lot of social contacts are living longer and that made me worry a little. I have a whole lot of social contacts but I hardly see any of them, I talk to them every day though. Online friends are the best of friends; they are always there whenever you need them, they make time when you need to vent, they are simply there.

But I am sitting at home in my chair talking to them, I love being at home but I think what they also mean by having a lot of contacts is that you are going out of your house to meet with them. I hardly ever do and that isn't healthy of course. Almost all my online friends live abroad. Sometimes I meet up with one who happens to live in my own country.
I don't feel lonely though; I love my home and I can contact my friends whenever I want to;  they're always available. But I get what they mean (you need to get out more) so I have decided to walk more, cycle more and talk with my friends afterwards.

Sometimes I feel like I have been disappointed by my former so called 'friends' too often to make new friends. Making friends with online friends is easier I find. It's not that you don't build on a relationship because you do. You talk about everything with each other, you trust one another and even though a lot of people can't understand it; they sure feel like real friends to me!

© KH


saskia van der ende said...

Awwwww so true Kati. You can be much more open with online friends so when you meet there would be one less hurdle to take.
'real life friends' don't want negativity. That's scary. I am glad I 'met' ALL of you
Xxx Sas

Elaine T said...

What Sas said :-) It's also very difficult to make friends in real life when like me, you don't go out to work. It only really bothers me when I go on Facebook and see others on a night out with enjoying themselves with all their friends. But then I think 'could I be bothered with all that?. Tbh, I'd rather stay in and read! It does worry me sometimes how much I enjoy my own company. But I agree, you get far more support from online friends, you guys always pick me up when I'm down.

Much love, E xxx

Kati H said...

Sas so true, I feel I can tell you guys everything and not be judged while with those 'real friends' I once had they did nothing but judge (in hindsight)

E, that's me... feeling more comfy at home reading!
Yes you are there for me as well, supportive and there whenever I need a pick-me-up.... :) xxx

Melody Steenkamp said...

ja sommigen verdwijnen inderdaad, doet zeer..... maar het moet zo zijn...

er zijn er ook die blijven.... en godzijdank heb ik die, en jij ook!!!


Kati H said...

Melody, gelukkig wel. :)

Gattina said...

I think that's life too. Friends I knew for many years and we shared a lot in common, changed with the age and became old grandmas talking only about their grandchildren and their health ! So we had nothing in common anymore. I made new friends through my painting course and I have them more than 10 years, we have the same interests and also travel together. Of course I love my virtual friends too. Some of them I met life. That was really nice !