Wednesday, 8 July 2015

Letting go of people you thought were friends



A few days ago I was talking to a friend in passing on my way to work. She and I go way back, I think we've been friends now for almost 30 years. Our boys went to the same school where we saw each other for years every day. Now that the boys have grown we speak less but when we do we know it's still the same between us; it's okay, it's good. With some friends you have that relationship; you don't see each other for months but when you do you talk like you've seen each other yesterday. I have a couple of those friends. I did have more of those but like I've said once before, after my divorce I've lost some. Those never were true friends to begin with I realise now.

But there is one of whom I would have never thought she'd do that, not keeping in touch I mean. When my friend and I saw each other in passing a few days ago, she knew that other friend as well, we talked about it. She hadn't heard of her for a long time as well. We were the ones who had to do the calling. I don't like the one way street relationships, I never did. I can keep some up for a while if I think they are worth it, and I really thought she was, but now I feel I am better than that, so did my other friend. We both stopped calling and now it's over and done with. At least I think it is.


But still... it keeps nagging somewhere. I have a hard time letting go of friendships that I thought were true friends. I thought she was a true friend. But having found so many friends online the last year (and yes you can make friends online!) and even meet some in real life, I now know what real friendship entails. 
This friend who I have known also from the time when our boys became friends and went to school together and who has told me I understood her so well and I was her best friend, has just left me without saying a word. It all sounds so childish writing it all down like this, but when someone just leaves a friendship without saying a word it hurts. 

 
I am someone who always get attached to people so maybe I just hang on to tight. I will have to let go of the people who don't think I am worth it. I think I am. It is their loss after all. I must stop thinking about what I did wrong, I don't think I did anything wrong. I am who I am, if that's not good enough, so be it.

© KH

4 comments:

Daan (Dan) said...

some people are in your life for a while, to teach you something, and then they go again... people don't have an obligation to stay in your life {unless you've married them, but even then...}, just because you have certain ideas about friendship. i have that same issue with a friend who's not been in touch for months now, whom i could contact if i wanted to but i don't feel like doing so. it's a sad notion that this friendship might fizzle out, but i'm also incredibly happy that she was a part of my life for the duration of our friendship. it's okay.... i won't fall apart it that's the case... she must need someone else in her life right now... she doesn't need to explain why...

Kati H said...

I know you're right and I'm starting to feel/think like that, but it's still a bit hard for me. ;) If you know what I mean. I don't think she has an obligation to me but I'm learning now to let go, to no longer hurt or hang on to it too long.

Kati H said...

Thanks Daan :)

Daan (Dan) said...

it's never easy... :-) if you know why it hurts, what's being hurt inside of you, it might make it easier to not feel too bad - you're being empathetic to your own needs, sadness, hurts...