Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Knight in shining armour

Daan wrote a blog last Sunday that made me want to write my own thoughts on the subject.

When I was a young girl I always thought I would grow up and marry a man just like my dad and have kids. There were no ifs or buts about it. Of course now I now my dad had his issues as well as every other man (or woman for that matter) has but as a girl I didn't see them, now that he's gone I'm probably not seeing them either. What's the use anyway, he's not here anymore right?
I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, what kind of profession I wanted. Did I need one? I was going to be a mum, that was enough for me! I was a child of the Seventies, mums didn't need to work back then really, so you could not really blame me for thinking like that.

The whole picture in my head as a kid stuck there for quite some time, maybe it never have left. My husband wasn't anything like my dad was. He was very self-centered and to this day I really don't know why he ever married me. I can't imagine he ever loved me, he never acted on it anyway, not after we got kids anyway. He was crazy about his boys but our marriage went downhill.
After we got divorced, I really thought I was done with men and went on to do it all alone. I could do it. It would be hard finacially but I could do it. I know I am a strong woman, hell I have had it hard in my marriage, how bad could it be after the divorce?
But I met my current hub and you don't plan those things but they happen. I love him but he too is not a prince Charming kind of guy to lean on or to depend on. The strong shoulder to lean on has to be my own. The rock you so desperately need, has to be you.

That girl wanting to be a mummy and a loving husband is still inside me, looking for that man like her dad. I keep telling her there's no such thing but she refuses to listen. She still thinks there is. I think she's watched too many Disney films where the princess gets the prince and they live happily ever after. There's no such thing. No matter how many Facebook status you read, it's all a fake. Nobody has that blissful loving family all the time every bloody day! No way!

I believe in Reincarnation and I often say that in my next life I will get a degree, a good job and I will stay alone. I will be that rock, that shoulder, that knight in shining armour to myself without having to worry all the time about a partner or children. No matter how much I love my children and hub in this life.

Do I sound cynical? Perhaps but why teach little girls that they have to wait for that Prince Charming to come along only to be disappointed every single time? Teach little girls to become strong, secure women and their happiness will come with it.

©  KH

1 comment:

Daan (Dan) said...

thanx for the link out...
thanx also for your thoughts in this... always nice to read how others look at their lives... :-)

maybe it's too much Disney brainwashing, although i doubt it, cos when grew up, i just wanted to be happy, with a cat and a dog and a little house in the country and a studio... no guy featured much in my Future Picture... until i hit late teens and suddenly it seemed the only thing i could think of...
maybe it's the thought of being lonely, of being without company, that i'd have to figure it all out by myself... i was lonely as a child, and the thought that i might be alone until i die makes me feel really sad... maybe that's why the Perfect Relationship is so high on my list...
{and yes, i'm very much aware of the importance of the Perfect Relationship with Myself before anything else.... working on that one!!!}