Letting go of people you thought were friends

A few days ago I was talking to a friend in passing on my way to work. She and I go way back, I think we've been friends now for almost 30 years. Our boys went to the same school where we saw each other for years every day. Now that the boys have grown we speak less but when we do we know it's still the same between us; it's okay, it's good. With some friends you have that relationship; you don't see each other for months but when you do you talk like you've seen each other yesterday. I have a couple of those friends. I did have more of those but like I've said once before, after my divorce I've lost some. Those never were true friends to begin with I realise now.

But there is one of whom I would have never thought she'd do that, not keeping in touch I mean. When my friend and I saw each other in passing a few days ago, she knew that other friend as well, we talked about it. She hadn't heard of her for a long time as well. We were the ones who had to do the calling. I don't like the one way street relationships, I never did. I can keep some up for a while if I think they are worth it, and I really thought she was, but now I feel I am better than that, so did my other friend. We both stopped calling and now it's over and done with. At least I think it is.

 

But still... it keeps nagging somewhere. I have a hard time letting go of friendships that I thought were true friends. I thought she was a true friend. But having found so many friends online the last year (and yes you can make friends online!) and even meet some in real life, I now know what real friendship entails. 

This friend who I have known also from the time when our boys became friends and went to school together and who has told me I understood her so well and I was her best friend, has just left me without saying a word. It all sounds so childish writing it all down like this, but when someone just leaves a friendship without saying a word it hurts. 

 

I am someone who always get attached to people so maybe I just hang on to tight. I will have to let go of the people who don't think I am worth it. I think I am. It is their loss after all. I must stop thinking about what I did wrong, I don't think I did anything wrong. I am who I am, if that's not good enough, so be it.

© KH

30 Days Challenge 24, Connect

Men imagine that they communicate their virtue or vice only by overt actions, and do not see that virtue or vice emit a breath every moment. 

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Who is one person that you’ve been dying to connect with, but just haven’t had the courage to reach out to? First, reflect on why you want to get in touch with them. Then, reach out and set up a meeting.


There is no one really. I find that the older I get the more of a loner/hermit I am becoming and that I really don't mind at all. I connect with a lot of online friends every single day so I am certainly not lonely. That's probably the beauty of Social Media as well. You never have to feel lonely; there's always someone available for a chat.
I have learned that often Social Media friends are more real and true than 'real' friends are. There were real friends have let me down in the past, the social media ones have stuck by me. It's under different circumstances you meet but still it's ever so real. If I want to connect and meet someone it's all those friends I've made through Social media! Those are my true friends who are really so dear to me!

© KH

Hard times reveal true friends

Really I always thought of myself as a positive, glass half full kind of person. I always try to be there for others even thoug if things tend to go down hill for myself at that moment. If I am good at one thing it is in hiding my feelings about how I am feeling at that moment. I am all talk and smiles. Laughing it all away.
What I truly hate don't like about a lot of other people is that if things aren't going as they aspect them to with their friends, they just give up on them. At least that is my experience. I really hope it isn't yours! It's the worst feeling I can tell you!

It happened to me when I got divorced. First a few years earlier my dad died. A few 'friends' told me after a couple of months that I should stop crying and do nice things for myself. It would be all better soon. As if you'll be over the death of your dad so soon.
Then I got divorced and I had to talk to people to vent. Who better than your friends? No they said, I was using them as a psychologist and they were nothing but. I worked a lot at the time, my kids could go to school themselves, which is where I saw those friends, and the friendship ended slowly.

Why is it that when it is going well in your life the friends stay with you but when it's tougher they are nowhere to be seen or heard for that matter? I do have to say that there is a big difference between 'real' friends and online friends who have proven themselves more real than real life friends in times of hardship!

You may never know who your true friends are until life throws you an unwelcome curveball. When this happens and the friends or family you thought would help carry you through don't, you go through stages of grief. It's devastating. As time passes, you can either be resentful, bitter and heartbroken, or you can be so incredibly thankful that you've learned a valuable life lesson.
But besides going through whatever you are going through at that period in your life, you also have to deal with and grief the loss of your friends! It's adding to the stress you already have! 

So it's worth viewing your friends you do have different. Separate the 'true friends' from the 'just friends or acquaintances' if only in your own mind.
If I change my perspective on how I view them it will save me from
having more stress. 

© KH