Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Wednesday Wisdom; I regret nothing

Some days I need a reminder of myself that I am just doing the best I know how. No, that I kick ass! That I'm awesome, that I rock! Let's be honest here; I am being a single parent to my two boys for ages now even when they have a dad. For years he didn't think it was important enough to be a part of their upbringing, he didn't want to meet and discuss their lives. Not even when we were married he wanted to come to meetings and if he did it all revolved around him. That the kids were supposed to be the centre of our attention didn't even come in mind. No he wanted to feel important. After our divorce I felt such a relieve as if a huge rock was lifted from my chest. No more 'mister look how nice I am' no more 'dad who is there only for the fun stuff' and not for the important things (and often things that will not make you popular but are necessary). 

For the past ten years since we've been apart I've been doing it alone, without any support, moral and financial, I've been doing great. The boys' stepdad has helped of course but mostly I've been doing the raising all by myself. Of course there have been some disagreements between me and the boys especially now that they're older, we don't always agree on things but I find that they have to be able to make their own mistakes and learn from it. Not be bossed around, because that's what 'he's' been doing again... yep he's back! He seems to think that I am not doing a good enough job as a responsible mum. We never agreed on matters of upbringing anyway so why does he think that has changed? 

A few weeks ago he started to e-mail me. He wanted to speak to teachers of youngest son's school. When we divorced we agreed we would have co-parenting; which meant he would take care of everything of oldest (financially and school stuff etc) and I would do that for youngest. He didn't do that for oldest anyway, the co-parenting was a farce and only lasted a year. The kids have been mostly with me, with all the costs that came along with it. He never payed a single thing! Now he thinks he has a say in their lives! 

What makes me mad is the way I am taken by it. The way it is affecting me and my life or my mental health. I start to worry more and I really don't need that.
I did great without him, I don't need him, the boys go to him if they want to go. Sometimes I even have to tell them to go. I wouldn't want to go to someone who is always pressing me to do stuff either. 

I really don't want to be back where I was ten years ago. I don't want to engage in those endless e-mail conversations again. When I told him that he accused me of holding on to the past... He is home with a burn out so he is bored out of his skull, that's the only reason why he's bothering us/me.
I need to let go again. He is powerless without my respons, I don't need to fuel the fire. I don't need him anymore.

Looking at my boys I see two almost adult males who need some refining still but whom I raised well. I did a damn good job! They are what they are today because of me, because I did MY job as their mum. Never letting go, I did my job and I did a damn good one! 
I can be proud of that!
I regret nothing! 

© KH

Sunday, 28 May 2017

Muziek op Zondag; Soul en Jazz

Toevallig zag ik online dat NPO radio 2 dit weekend de Soul&Jazz lijst uit ging zenden en er nog gestemd kon worden. Lekker zeker met dit zwoele (hete) weer dacht ik en ben gaan stemmen. Nu luister ik haast geen radio meer, en zit meer en meer op Spotify waar ik mijn eigen smaak muziek kan luisteren maar dit is wel eens lekker op zijn tijd.

Vandaag dus een selectie uit mijn eigen lijstje ; Fijne Zondag!

Ik denk wel mijn favoriete Soul nummer... kan niet stil zitten bij dit nummer.

Ik heb diverse KC nummers op mijn iPhone staan, als ik met de trein reis heb ik altijd de neiging om in het gangpad te gaan dansen...

Ik ben dól op big bands en dan mét Frank ook nog.... *zucht*

Dan Dean ook gelijk maar ... zelfs mijn jongste zoon is fan.. (I raised them well)

Over niet stil kunnen zitten gesproken; James kan er ook wat van;

Ik vond dit nummer uit 1973 en vond het erg in het huidige tijdsbeeld passen;

Sting is my all time favourite, I love hearing him do jazz;

Er was een tijd dat ik door dit nummer ook wilde drummen, maar ja, die onzekerheid en verlegenheid he... nog als ik dit hoor denk ik...

© KH

Wednesday, 24 May 2017

Wednesday Wisdom; Terrorism

Cowardness. There is no other word for it. If you want to bring your point across, which is hard enough as it is when you're an extremist, you shouldn't start bombing innocent children at a pop concert.
No matter how hard they try to divide us, we always will keep coming out stronger than before. We will always unite against terrorism. We will never give in to it. Ever.
The only thing you have ever accomplished is showing yourselves for the cowards that you all are, for the weak, low not even humane species not even worth mentioning. Even people of your own countries have abanoned you. What's that telling you? That you go to your heaven where there are 99 virgins waiting for you? (Or 72, even 1 would be too much.) I don't think so. Even they don't want you now, never have never will be!
You should read your own Quran better where it says that you shall not kill innocents, least of all women and children! Shame on you! 

© KH 

Monday, 22 May 2017

Wie was u ook al weer?

De laatste tijd ben ik zo ontzettend vergeetachtig! Ik vergeet wat ik wilde zeggen terwijl ik het zeg, ik haal namen door elkaar, zelfs die van mijn eigen kinderen en ik heb er maar twee! Ik vergeet wat ik ook weer moest doen of halen, ik vergeet verjaardagen (dank je wel Facebook!) Zo kan ik nog wel een tijdje doorgaan.
Omdat ik met ouderen werk ga je al snel denken aan dementie (ook wel dementie light gekscherend hier in huis genoemd). Ik wed als ik naar de dokter zou gaan dat hij het onder het kopje 'stress' zal gooien, net als alle andere kwalen en kwaaltjes die ik krijg. (last van gewrichten/heupen, jeuk over mijn hele lijf, droge huid/hoofdhuid etc) Maar daar heb je al je antwoord eigenlijk.... al die kwaaltjes... Ik ben tenslotte al 10 jaar in de overgang, bijna 50 en er nog láng niet vanaf!

Schuif het maar weer op de overgang denk ik wel eens maar even Googlen en je ziet zo een waslijst aan kwalen die wij vrouwen in de overgang krijgen (kunnen krijgen) . Ik schijn alles tegelijk te krijgen, en lekker dan! Vooral die pijnlijke (rusteloze) benen en jeuk als je nét moe in bed ligt en graag wil slapen! Of als je weer eens niet weet hoe iemand ook weer heet terwijl je dat toch echt zou moeten weten! Of je man met je ex-man door elkaar haalt terwijl je al 10 jaar gescheiden bent! Euh....

Maar kan ik er eigenlijk lichamelijk gezien wat aan doen? Nou in principe niet. 
De vergeetachtigheid wordt veroorzaakt door hormonale schommelingen die plaatsvinden tijdens de overgang. De concentraties oestrogeen en progesteron wisselen tijdens de overgang vaak sterk, iets waar juist het centraal zenuwstelsel op reageert. Hierdoor wordt vergeetachtigheid, verwardheid en concentratieverlies veroorzaakt.
Dat bedoel ik dus, het is 'heel normaal'. Na de overgang is het allemaal weer over en functioneert alles weer zoals het behoort te functioneren.... zegt men. 

Even geduld aub... 

© KH

Sunday, 21 May 2017

Music on Sunday; Gone too soon

We all know about the 'imfamous' club of 27, famous people who died at 27 but there are more musicians who died at a relatively young age. Only friday we learned that Chris Cornell of Soundgarden has committed suicide age 52. 

So for today an ode to some of those (not all, they are with so many) who made us smile when times were rough, who helped us through though times and made our lives better with their music. 

He was best know from Soundgarden but I liked Audioslave too; 

I was not even 3 months old when this legend died in a plane crash, only 26 years old!

One of the club of 27, what a voice;

My mum was a huge fan in her teens but I came to love and appreciate his music later on as well, he died at 42;

Only discovered them later on after Paul Young covered one of their songs, lead singer Ian Curtis hung himself age 23;

Oh the Gibb brothers... they have been in my teen room for a long time, on posters above my bed, on my record player.... It's a tragedy, Andy being the first one age 30;

Oh Freddie.... Still miss him like crazy, best voice in the Universe! Died at 45.. (comment under the vid; no phones in the air, miss this. So true!)

Another one of the club of 27; Kurt Cobain shot himself in 1994;

The world was shocked (as was I ) when we all heard about David Bowie's death due to cancer age 69.. we still are really...

2016 was a horrible year, stars fell like flies and we all wanted to ctrl, alt del the year...
George Michael was one of the last of that year to go, again shocking everyone, age 53;

Of course I missed many great musicians but I can't make this blog any longer than this. I'll leave more for another time.

© KH

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Wednesday Wisdom; Okay

Er zijn van die dagen dat je het gevoel hebt; nu even niet.... dan wil je gewoon even helemaal niks, maar dan is er een drukke week met veel werken en veel gedoe en eigenlijk wil je gewoon rust aan je kop. De laatste weken werk ik zoveel dat ik op het punt ben van; Nu ... even ... niet!

Vandaar; het is okay om niet altijd okay te zijn. Waarom altijd maar die schijn ophouden nietwaar? Nergens goed voor. Dus vandaag op mijn enige vrije dag (ook al moet ik vanmiddag weer vergaderen) even tijd voor mezelf... en dan wordt het ook nog eens 28 graden... pfff...
Not okay!

© KH

Sunday, 14 May 2017

Music on Sunday; Strong Women

Usually I'm not that into female singers/musicians but for today (Mother's Day) here's some my favourite female singers who I also think are very strong women and who have lifted me up during though times; Enjoy.

I know I always use this song of Dido, but it's honestly one of my favourites, if not the favourite... plus it helps me everytime;

I just can't sit still whenever I hear this song:

Chills all over...

I adore this song and Stevie Nicks;

Who doesn't love Adele? What isn't to love? Gorgeous music, strong woman, funny too;

Perhaps Nina is an acquired taste, at least I got to like her music later on in my life;

Same can be said for Janis;

Sadly gone too soon, such a wonderful voice;

© KH

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Wednesday Wisdom; Diversity

It is Eurovision week again and this year's theme is diversity. Yesterday the first semi-final, thursday the second semi-final and on saturday the final. With all the European countries (and even non-European lately) joining they needed to do it like this.

Eurovision started in may 1956 with only 7 countries joining. It was meant to bring European countries together after the war. In the beginning the countries were only allowed to sing in their native language.
The end of the Cold War led to an increase of joining countries with the former Eastern Bloc queing up to sign in for competing. Now even Australia joined the party, meant as a one off but appearently they're here to stay. Australia have the biggest fans of Eurovision so it seems.
Nowadays with Social Media it's become more fun watching and commenting at the same time I think. It still is one crazy thing, but it's Eurovision, it's becoming more crazy each year!

© KH

Monday, 8 May 2017

Three things I am grateful for

The writer's blog has kicked in again so I'm searching for inspiring prompts. I have found some sites where different prompts are highlighted but not all are 'my cup of tea'. Perhaps because they are to sweet for my taste or 'it's a sign' I should work on those. Who knows, but for now, the one I'm picking today is:

Three things I am most grateful for:

1. My family. Perhaps a bit corny but each day I am more grateful for still having my mum (73). This also includes my dog (15) Age counts of course that's why I'm naming them first but it also includes my hub, kids and sis. I'm especially grateful for my sis who is always there for me.

2. The place which I call home. I love my home and garden with all the birds coming to visit every day. My birch tree, my fern, hydrangeas and all the other plants. I love my little corner in the world.

3. I may complain some days about my work (who doesn't) but I am very grateful to be able to go to my elderly people every day. They make the job worthwhile, they make each day a blessing.

So this is my top 3; what's yours?

© KH

Sunday, 7 May 2017

Music on Sunday; Fatigue

Voorjaarsmoeheid in Dutch; Spring Fatigue in English. Exhaustion, tiredness, I don't care how you call it, I have it. More people are complaining about it around me about being tired. So today songs about exhaustion, seemed fitting. Happy Sunday!

© KH

Wednesday, 3 May 2017

Wednesday Wisdom; Remembrance Day

Here in the Netherlands we have Remembrance Day tomorrow and Liberation Day the next.
On the 4th of May on the eve of May 5th the day we celebrate the Netherlands was free from WWII we remember all the people who died during the War but lately we also remember the people who died fighting in other countries like Irak or Afghanistan. From 18.00 pm till 20.30 pm the Dutch flag is half-mast and at 20.00 pm everyone has 2 minutes of silence.
At the Dam in Amsterdam the King and Queen, ministers,veterans and others are putting a wreath of flowers in honour of the fallen. 

The other day some people said they also want to include the refugees in the remebrance who drowned fleeing to Europe. Of course there is a lot of adversary against the idea.
Rembering the thousands of refugees is a good thing, but I don't think it's a wise idea to mix both of them up. This Rembrance Day should be only for the victims of the war. It should remind us that we should never allow it to happen again. In that context I can understand why one would include the refugees, but they didn't fight to free our country. It is not their fight it is a whole other topic, granted it has simularities but it is not the same. Sometimes it is even hard enough to let this generation believe the atrocities that happened during WWII... 

Never forget! 

© KH