Last night the clock has set back to wintertime again and for me personally that's an adjustment. My biological clock doesn't listen to Daylights savings time and for me they can do without that nonsence all together! So I need some calm music to start this day, after a slow walk in the forest which I had already very (very) early this morning.
Have a nice relaxing Sunday!
Saturday, 25 October 2014
Wednesday, 22 October 2014
The storm isn’t only outside
But inside me as well
I don’t know why
But I feel torn
It’s been a long time
You have to move on
I want you to have joy
In your golden years
Betrayal is coming to mind
It’s not I know
But why does my brain make it so
Why do I constantly think of him
You’re moving on
After all this time it’s logical
But why do I feel
So miserably forlorn
Monday, 20 October 2014
When I got divorced I really thought the father of my children and I would be friends. Or try to be anyway. That obviously didn't work out and we ended up really disliking each other to put it mildly. He said things about me to other people and I did the same. Of course that's really wrong especially when there are kids in the middle of it all. So after a while I noticed that it caused more stress to my son(s) (and me) than it helped to relieve my 'dislike' of the man. I stopped being a bitch about their dad all the time. Of course I have my thoughts about his fatherhood or rather lack of it, but I keep it to myself.
A week ago my mum called me on the phone with some rather 'shocking' news; to me anyway. She told me she had met a man after being a widow for 11 years and always saying to my sis and me she'd never want another man after my dad had passed. There would never be another one like him anyway, someone who was that good of a man (her words). She was giggling on the phone and I said: 'Mum! You're in love!' 'Oh god no' she giggled 'I'm not! I'm 70! I'm not in love, god forbid!' But a few days later she phoned back and yes she had to admit she was very much in love and the man in question was too. He had said she was such a spontanious woman and a beautiful one as well. And mum said it was such a long time since anyone had said that to her let alone a man! Of course I could imagine that, being divorced and being in love myself rather quickly after that.
What bothered me however was that she started to say things about dad that she never would say before. That she had never felt like this before. Not even with dad, mum? No not that she could remember but they where very young when they met back in the 60's. And you know dad wanted out of his home with grandmum and granddad very quickly. That's not a reason to marry mum. Dad loved you dearly. Yes I know but you know how your dad was... Even uncle so and so says that... And she started to summon up a couple of flaws of my poor dead dad! He can't defend himself! He's dead! I sat there with my phone in hand and the tears came all of a sudden after our phone call. I want mum to be happy, of course I do. And yes it has been 11 years but is being in love a reason to criticize my dad after all these years all of a sudden? I don't think so!
Talking to my oldest son about this he said: 'Yes mum, it sucks doesn't it? Hearing how your mum is talking bad about your dad!' He looked at me and all of a sudden I knew how he must have felt all this time! Oh my God, Karma sucks! It bites you in the ass when you least expect it! And I didn't see this coming. I know for sure that my mum doesn't even know that she did that when I will talk about it with her. That she will be surprised and that she will think that I'm too emotional and taking dad's side again even though he's not here anymore but still.. It doesn't feel right at all and I can joke to her all I want about her crush ('mum be home at midnight and use a condom' I said to her and she burst out laughing) I feel that I will need time to get used to the idea of someone else next to her besides my dad. However stupid that may sound in my own ears even, I did after all after my divorce. I can't help how I feel, I think there's a lot I need to deal with which I never have.
Edit; while I was finishing up this blog my mum called (how do mums know? ) and we talked about this. Thankfully we are always very open and honest to each other and she understood how I felt. She knows that I need time to adjust to the new situation and we talked about dad. She didn't know it hurt me the things she said (they are true I know that but sometimes you only want to hear the good things about your parents and not the not so good, so does my son about his dad) Listening to her about the man she's in love with I think he's a good man but she understands (so does he) I need time and that's okay. I think it's stupid, but she doesn't thankfully. I can't help the way I am, she said after all, she made me. ;)
Sunday, 19 October 2014
Sometimes music is not only nice, or beautiful but it sends chills up and down your spine and leaves you breathless; they're called eargasms. I want to share some of my eargasms with you this morning. Just a few of the many songs I have on my YouTube and Spotify and Itunes list;
Tom Smith's voice is so gorgeous...
Sting will always be my first love; his voice will always soothe me
Maybe my eargasm list is a bit average but there are so many songs to choose from; too many really maybe I need another eargasm blog. ;) But many Coldplay songs are eargasm songs to me and this one especially;
Definitely an eargasm;
And finally last but certainly not least; this fabulous man who makes me cry still after all this time;
Sunday, 12 October 2014
This morning as we were walking our Sunday walk with the dog I thought of this Sunday's music blog. It was foggy and all around us the birds started their songs. So today some songs about birds:
This one is one of my favorites:
I love this song:
Such a beautiful song:
This one is one of my favorites:
I love this song:
Such a beautiful song:
Saturday, 11 October 2014
Wednesday, 8 October 2014
Your mind is a dangerous thing. It takes you places you sometimes don't want to go. Or you think things are worse than they are. Or are they?
A friend of mine hasn't been in touch for a long time and she was a very dear one, close to my heart. All of a sudden I find myself in all kind of scenarios. It's all my fault anyway or other women who used to be friends but aren't anymore are saying things to her about me that aren't true obviously and I can't defend myself.
Why does a brain do that? Why does a brain lead you to these thoughts? You clearly don't want to think like that! It's not healthy, you feel sad and anxious and it doesn't bring you closer to a solution. The constant over-analyzing brings self-doubt and more anxiety and stress in your life and body. It's just hard sometimes to get it out of your head.
One way to stop all the overthinking is to accept that you're doing just that. Acceptance is a first step.
So is forgiveness; forgive yourself. Our brain is set to overthink everything. As soon as we start to accept that and forgive ourselves we sent a message to our brain that we are starting to change our way of thinking. Turn the negative thoughts into positive ones.
Rewire your brain as it where.
Meditation can also help as can breathing. Once you feel those negative thoughts come racing in; breathe. Breathing will relax you, helps to calm you and focus on those positive thoughts. It connects you to the present moment, it grounds you and it helps to let go. Once we become frantic and our brain starts racing breathing helps to calm you and become focused again and relax body and mind.
Most overthinkers like me want to talk about their problems. I know I do all the time. But does it help you? Or do you make things worse, especially if the person you're talking to is an overthinker as well, by over analyzing things while talking about it? I find that I work myself up even more by talking about it and get more and more anxious. For me it helps more to write things down (like this blog). You don't want to keep bothering people over and over again with your negative thoughts anyway if they even want to keep listening. Writing has turned out to be very healing for me.
Practicing Mindfulness helps to heal overthinking even more. Believe that everything happens for a reason. That you are in the right place in the right time. Trust the Universe and very important; learn to listen to your inner voice. When I stopped to listen that's when the anxiety began I think.
I'm definitely not there yet not by a long shot, but I'm getting there. It's a constant work in progress.
Sunday, 5 October 2014
For years now I love listening to the works of the composer Max Richter. One piece in particular brings me literally to tears, each and every time I'm listening to it. But of course there are more wonderful pieces than that one. I can let you listen to all kind of classical composers but why not to one of this generation who's work is so moving and (a) classic(al) in every sense of the word.
I hope you enjoy listening to these gems as much as I do:
This one brings me to tears every time: (I found out later it was also the soundtrack for the film Shutter Island)
He is such a genius! Just listen to this... I just love this!
the Master himself at work